


In My Head

by xyvesoulx



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Heavily centered around Yvesoul, Heavy Angst, Smut of course duh, Supernatural - Freeform, Yvesoul - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 18:37:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20030482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyvesoulx/pseuds/xyvesoulx
Summary: Jinsoul encounters a “ghost” that brings meaning to her life.





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> TW:// Mentions of suicide, depression, self-harm, alcoholism. 
> 
> If you’re uncomfortable with any of those topics I just want you to know that this story is heavily focused around it.
> 
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy this one shot i’ve been working on for the past few days. ❤️

Growing up an only child was a very lonely journey for Jinsoul. Even having friends wasn’t enough to fill that empty void she felt. She thought that maybe she would be okay. But seeing her friends and even her parents with siblings of their own just sent her into a spiral again. 

After graduating from college and getting a decent job at the aquarium, she saved up enough money to move out of her parents' place. She thought it would help her, but if anything it just made her feel even lonelier. Living alone was still better in her opinion. She didn’t have to hear her parents constantly fighting, or getting mad at her for sleeping in even though she was an adult. She has been living on her own for 2 years now. 

She still came home to the bleak white walls and nearly empty apartment. Throwing her coat onto the sofa and dragging herself to the room. 

Repeat.

She would do this every single day, for 2 years straight. She hated being alone. But god _ forbid _ she ever move back in with her parents. 

“Jinsoul!” She heard someone shouting, banging on her door in the process. She flipped the blankets off, walking slowly to the door. She opened it and walked off, already knowing who her visitor was. 

“Did you not hear me calling your fucking phone?” Jungeun said angrily, but she was doing that to mask how worried she was. 

“I was asleep.” Jinsoul said calmly, sitting on the sofa. Jungeun just looked at her, noticing how frail she looked. 

She sighed deeply. “Did you take your medicine?” 

The blonde nodded. “Before I took my nap..” 

Jungeun was one of her closest friends, since a young age. They met in her first year of high school, and were attached at the hip ever since. Jungeun did everything in her power to make sure Jinsoul was always okay.. but there was only so much she could do. 

“Have you eaten?” 

“Yes.” She lied. She hardly ever ate. The only times she did is when she was feeling too light headed to walk. Jungeun trusted her though. Although she shouldn’t have. Especially after that last stunt she pulled at the beginning of the year. It was New Years Eve and Jungeun remembered it so vividly. It haunted her at all times. 

She’ll never forget that night that she thought she lost her best friend for good. Finding her that way was just… hurtful. So whenever Jinsoul didn’t pick up, or fell off the face of earth for a few days it drove Jungeun _ crazy _. She knew it wasn’t healthy, but she just couldn’t help herself. 

She _ needed _ Jinsoul to be okay. “How’s the aquarium?” Jungeun asked, sitting beside her.

“Well.. I got to play with the dolphins today.” She replied, almost robotic like. “Other than that.. it’s pretty long days there. _ Especially _ when the kids are there.” 

“Isn’t that often though?” 

“Too often.” The blonde giggled, making the girl beside her giggle too. “I actually have to go back tomorrow… so I should probably head back to sleep.”

Jungeun frowned, checking her watch. “Jinsoul it isn’t even 4pm yet.” She informed, standing up as the girl walked away.

“I know Jungeun. I’m just tired.” She explained, leaving to her room without even saying goodbye. 

She didn’t even know what to say. But she didn’t pry because she knew how Jinsoul hated people constantly in her space. So she left the girl alone, telling herself she would return the next day. 

The next day at work, Jinsoul was sweeping up the floors when some imbecil purposely knocked over the trash can she was planning on getting around to. Of course it was a kid, playfully kicking it over, and their parents walking off like nothing happened. “Great.. more of a mess for me to clean.” She muttered under her breath, reminding herself to clean that before she went to the next area. 

She watched from the sides as the instructor gave facts about the dolphins she was taking care of. Jinsoul smiled at that, remembering small things that she said from when she was in college. She wished she continued on with that path. 

Driving home was always such a drag for her, and she constantly battled with herself as she thought horrible things on the drive home. She always wondered what would happen if she just swerved into oncoming traffic. But then she would beat herself up for hours, just thinking about how horrible that would be to put someone else in danger for her own selfish needs. 

She sat on her couch in a dimly lit area, eyeing the medication bottles on the coffee table. For the 3rd night in a row she had tears streaming down her face, the numbing pain in her chest more noticeable today. Her brain reminded her of the horrible times she has had. From her shitty abusive parents, to her not being able to even speak a word about it. Showing up to school shaking from a beating was enough to get the teacher's attention, but it never went any further than that. 

Her father was an alcoholic, her mother was a lovesick puppy. It made her want to vomit. But she understood. 

She just didn’t want to be lonely.

Jinsoul understood. 

The weight of the world didn’t seem to be too much until the age of about 20, constantly thinking of the trauma she was put through. She never thought about how much shit she actually held in. From the horrible slurs her father would call her when he found out she was gay, to nearly getting kicked out. Her mother put a stop to that though.

“Yes mom— draw the line at kicking me out and not the verbal abuse I was just put through.” She spat, holding the pill bottle tightly in her hand. 

_ “Jinsoul” _. 

She dumped the pills into her hand, eyeing them and wondering if this is what she truly wanted. Her hesitation said otherwise. She sighed shakily, slowly putting them back into the bottle. She can’t do that to Jungeun. Not again.

So instead she went to her room and attempted to finish the gundam model she was working on. After about an hour she got bored, not enjoying this as much as she used to. She slowly lost the motivation over the years. 18 year old her would still be going for hours if she could. 

A week had gone by, and Jinsoul was starting to really _ really _ hate her job. She already did, but the increase in pestering managers and annoying visitors was far too much for her to deal with. She already had to find energy to even get out of bed, she didn’t need to get treated like shit to add onto it. 

She had a breakdown that day. Her manager speaking angrily at her for something she had nothing to do with. But she was too stuck to even defend herself, accepting the harsh criticism from her “boss”. She was used to this anyway. Her father prepared her for this day. The moment she was able to clock out she went home, calling out sick for the next two days. They’d just have to find someone else to cover her shift. 

Jungeun called her 10 times on her 2nd day at home. She hadn’t heard from the girl in days. Jungeun tried so hard to not show up there, but she did and when she did she found Jinsoul on the floor crying to herself. “What’s wrong?” She quickly threw the new spare key Jinsoul got her made onto the counter. Swiftly taking off her jacket and sitting beside the girl on the floor. But instead of speaking, she just heard choked sobs coming from the girl.

She immediately held her close, letting her cry until she felt she didn’t have anymore tears left to cry. Jungeun had no idea why the blonde had such a horrible breakdown, but she didn’t ask either. She already knew she wouldn’t get an answer. 

The brunette sat in her office, giving Jinsoul a call and subtly informing her to see a therapist she knew. “She’s really good Jinsoul… just try it at least.” She suggested calmly. 

“Sure.. I'll go this Friday.” 

She didn’t go that friday, but the next. She sat nervously in the waiting room, tapping her heels against the carpeted floor. “Jung Jinsoul?” She heard a warm voice call, her head slowly raising up to spot a short haired woman in a simple black long sleeve and some jeans.

Jinsoul stood up, walking over to the woman. “Hey how are you today?” She asked the blonde, a pretty smile on display.

“I’m okay.” Jinsoul answered truthfully. Okay was as good as it got. The moment they arrived in her office she sat in her chair, pulling up Jinsoul’s documents on her computer. She had to hide the gasp that almost left her as she looked at the record on this poor girl. “I’m Jo Haseul.. but you can call me Haseul.” She smiled softly, not getting a response in return. 

She didn’t mind though, she was used to that.  
“So major depressive disorder?” She asked, just wanting it to be clarified. 

“Yeah.. sure.” Jinsoul replied, sulking in her seat. 

“And I see here that you take medication for it.. does it help?” 

“To an extent.” Jinsoul said truthfully. But then again those pills could only do so much for her personally. Her sadness was just too overwhelming to be fixed at this point. 

“So— could you tell me a little bit about yourself?” 

“I’m 26, and I work at an aquarium.” 

“Ooo is it fun?” 

“If cleaning fish tanks sound fun to you then sure.” She said, and that wasn’t even the half of it. But there was no actual sarcasm in her tone. It just seemed like she genuinely didn’t have any energy to put real emotion in her voice. 

“But anyways— we shouldn’t dance around it, because I know that’s what you’re doing. Yes, I have attempted 9 times and I wasn’t very successful on any of them. New Years Eve was about the closest I had gotten to finally getting out of this hellhole.” She said bluntly, leaving Haseul stunned at how easily she spoke about something like that. 

“I’ve been admitted to a mental hospital 4 times— I’m sure you saw that too.. I'm a mess. I can’t dance around that, so neither should you.” She crossed her arms, sighing to herself.

Haseul blinked a few times, turning back to her computer. “Do you have any close friends you can talk to?” She asked.

“About 3.. but I see one more often than the others. We graduated around the same time sort of.” 

“What are their names?”

“Yerim.. Jungeun, Jiwoo.” 

“And the one you see more often?” 

“Jungeun… my friend Jiwoo is in her final year of college. Yerim is in her 2nd.” She informed, seeing the woman completely intrigued by anything she said. Even when she was horribly blunt about things. “They’re out of state though, so I don’t see them as often as I'd like.” She frowned. 

She could really use a hug from either of those two. Both of them at once would be nice too. “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you hang out with your friend Jungeun often?” 

“She comes over my house very often. But I don’t really go out much anymore.” 

“Why is that?” 

“Just don’t feel like it.” Her answers were simple and if they weren’t full of blunt wording they were vague. 

“Have you ever thought about maybe getting a diary? Writing how you feel whenever you’re feeling bad things..” Haseul suggested, and the blonde nodded. 

“I did. But I just end up writing hateful things about myself.” She remembered having a breakdown one night, attempting to write her thoughts down onto the white lined paper. But instead she ended up tearing the pages apart, running her pen down the middle of it. Crossing out the pages from her good days that happened so rarely. What was the point in anything these days? 

“Can I go now?” She suddenly asked, finding Haseul’s eyes for the first time since this session began. 

“If it’s okay.. I’d really like to see you again Jinsoul. So please— don’t hesitate to call me and set up an appointment.” She wrote her number down on a post it note, handing it to the girl as she stood up. They shook hands and Haseul led her out, calling for the next patient. Jinsoul didn’t miss that smile that she gave. 

She _ almost _ smiled back. 

She found another way to cope with her feelings. Alcohol. She knows it would probably kill her liver in the long run. But she was way past caring about any of that. She was sitting on the sofa, drinking directly from the bottle when she heard a knock at the door. Must be Jungeun.

She walked over, wobbling as she did so. But when she opened the door, there was not a single soul there. She felt a breeze of cold air hit her, and she didn’t think much of it. If anything it helped cool down her heated face. She walked back over to the sofa, tripping and landing directly onto the floor. She heard the sound of glass shattering. 

“Fuck.” She groaned, watching as the contents of the bottle spread out onto the glossy wood. 

_ “Get up” _. She heard a faint whisper say, making her eyes immediately open and look around. But there was no one, and fuck she must be really drunk. She got up, plopping back down onto the sofa and ignoring the mess she made moments ago. Her body eventually shut down, and when she woke up the next morning her head throbbed painfully. 

“Shittt..” She whined, her mind instantly reminding her of what happened last night. She looked over, noticing the bottle she had broken last night was completely gone. Had Jungeun come over while she was asleep? Good thing she had the day off, because she didn’t think she’d make it through the day with this hangover. 

And then she was on the floor, throwing up whatever was in her stomach. Which was mainly alcohol since she hadn’t eaten a thing yesterday except for a bowl of cereal. 

“You don’t look too well.” She heard a voice say, her head snapping up and looking around. And when she turned back around, there was a face looking back at her. She jumped back, her head hitting the table, and a groan leaving her lips. 

She grabbed her head, immediately jumping up and backing away. The person was gone. Or whatever it was. “Fuck what was in that alcohol?” She said, rubbing at her head. She was definitely losing it.

Or not.

“Uhh— nothing.. it was honestly just straight vodka.” She heard again, this time the girl sitting on the counter. Her voice was faint, and she almost seemed unreal.. like a dream. “How did you manage to drink that anyway?” 

Jinsoul just stared at her. Was this even real? She pinched herself, moving her hand to her face to slap it. But was stopped by the other girl’s hand. She was slightly taller than Jinsoul, not by much. She went to snatch her hand away, but it went through the girl’s hand, and she looked down at it and chuckled.

“I’m not here to hurt you or anything if that’s what you’re thinking.” She assured. 

Jinsoul honestly didn’t know what she was thinking at this point. “W-Who are you?” The blonde asked, holding her wrist and looking down at it as if she was just burned. 

“Sooyoung.. And you?” Although she already knew the girl’s name.

She was hesitant to answer at first. But she figured she didn’t have much to lose. If this person.. or whatever it is wanted to kill her or something then she wouldn’t exactly be the angriest person in the world. “J-Jinsoul.” She answered quietly.

“That’s a pretty name. What are you doing drinking like that?” 

“It’s nothing.” She lied. “Just stressed out… I should probably clean that up.” She remembered, turning to see the area spotless.

“Clean what?” Sooyoung asked, smirking slightly. 

“W-What?... I just vomited here.” Jinsoul pointed out, making Sooyoung giggle slightly. Her soft laugh sending chills through Jinsoul’s body. She was sure she was going crazy at this point. But it was only a matter of time for that to happen.. 

“I cleaned it already. Didn’t you see?” Sooyoung joked. She didn’t have to see, she could do it in the blink of an eye. 

Jinsoul just blinked at her, turning away and then turning back to see the girl still sitting there. She walked away to her room, hearing the footsteps following behind her. She shut the door in Sooyoung’s face, and the girl just warped through the door. “Who are you?” 

“Sooyoung.” She said nonchalantly.

“No, _ who _ are _ you _?” She asked again. She already knew her name. But why was she here? How did she even get here? 

“Sooyoung.” She said again, irritating the blonde. 

“God who the fuck are you?” She said angrily, feeling her irritation increase rapidly. Why was she being so difficult?

Sooyoung laughed at how annoyed she seemed. It was kind of adorable. “I’m whatever you want me to be.” She simply said. What does that even mean? 

“Are you like.. I don’t know a spirit? A demon? A human? What is it?” She asked, and the girl sat on the floor, crossing her legs. She gestured for Jinsoul to sit in front of her, watching as she slowly sat down. 

“I am a spirit.” Sooyoung admitted. Jinsoul couldn't believe this at all. “What are you?” She jokingly asked.

“Not a spirit… What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here for you.” She said, and Jinsoul tilted her head, confused by the statement. 

“T-This can’t be real..” Jinsoul tried to convince herself. “You— can’t be real. Spirits aren’t real.” She said, the words filled with genuine confusion. Sooyoung could tell she was afraid, confused, lost. But that’s why she was here. 

“I’m as real as you think I am.” She heard that soft faint voice again.

Again, with the vague statements. “S-So if you’re a spirit.. that means you’re… dead?” Jinsoul asked shakily, her heart dropping at the idea of someone as breathtaking as her had lost her life. She wondered what happened. The girl seemed unreal. That was the only way she could describe her. However she seemed almost see through, her appearance clear but hardly there. 

“I am unfortunately.” Sooyoung replied. But there was no sadness in her voice. 

“So why are you here?” 

Sooyoung sighed, sitting herself up straight. “So fun fact— before I died I used to live here.” She watched as the other girl’s eyes widened in fear. “I moved out though— couldn’t afford to live here anymore so moved back in with my parents. Well— sort of.” She added. 

“Sort of?” Jinsoul asked, feeling a chill go down her spine at the look Sooyoung gave her. 

“I died on moving day.” She said bluntly. “3 car pileup. I’m the only one who didn’t make it. Pretty fucked up huh?” She said, and the story made Jinsoul’s skin crawl.

“That’s horrible..” She looked down at her crossed legs.

“It is. But that was almost 3 years ago. Still fresh. I see you haven’t done much with this place.” She pointed out, and Jinsoul looked around at the bleak walls. Not a single photo or poster on the walls. 

“I don’t really have an interest in doing so.” It was the truth. She really didn’t care much for decorating. “Do you have any questions for me?” Jinsoul asked her, and Sooyoung shook her head. 

“No.. I already know everything.” She smiled. Jungeun unlocked the front door, stepping inside and placing the food onto the counter. She heard Jinsoul talking in the other room, a smile on her face. Had she found someone else to talk to maybe? She slowly crept down the hall, moving her ear up to the door.

“How do you know everything?” 

“Because— I just do.” She gave a cheeky smile, and the door was opened, smacking Sooyoung in the back. 

Jungeun looked around the room, realizing Jinsoul was in fact alone. No phone in her hand to even indicate that maybe she was on it, talking to someone. Sooyoung stood beside the shorter girl, looking her up and down. “Jungeun?” Jinsoul stood up. “What are you doing here?” 

“Who were you talking to?” The shorter girl asked, still looking around the room. 

“You don’t see her?” Jinsoul asked.

“See who?” Jungeun asked, quirking an eyebrow up at her. 

“Of course she doesn’t see me. I’m only seen by you.” Sooyoung informed, and Jinsoul rubbed her eyes.

“She’s right there! Beside you!” Jinsoul said again, pointing like a maniac to the empty space beside Jungeun. This girl was losing her mind. 

“How are the therapy sessions coming along?” Jungeun asked, a look of sympathy in her eyes.

“What? They’re fine.. wait— why are you here again?” 

“I brought you food.” Jungeun said, and Sooyoung just watched the exchange, moving to stand beside Jinsoul. A small gust of wind making her hair blow. 

“You should eat.. you didn’t eat last night.” Sooyoung said directly by her ear, sending a tingly feeling throughout the girl’s body. 

“Let’s eat. I’m hungry.” Jinsoul said, walking by the girl awkwardly. Sooyoung following behind. Jungeun stood in place for a second, confused by what was happening. Jinsoul was acting very strange at the moment. The second she turned around the door slammed shut in her face, making her jump back. Sooyoung chuckled to herself.

“Payback is a bitch.”

“Be nice. She didn’t mean it..” Jinsoul warned, and Sooyoung shrugged. 

“I know she didn’t. I just enjoy messing with clueless people.” She admitted, sitting beside Jinsoul. Jungeun opened the door, looking at it to see if it would slam shut again. She shook her head, joining Jinsoul in the kitchen and sitting beside her. 

As they ate, Jungeun noticed Jinsoul looking to her left very often, smiling shyly. It was… weird, but she didn’t really think too much of it. Maybe Jinsoul was in a good mood today. But truthfully, she was being a blushing mess, because Sooyoung was staring directly at her the entire time. She normally didn’t care for people looking at her, but for some reason she felt so small under the other girl’s gaze. It wasn’t even anything out of the ordinary. 

Sooyoung was looking at her just how everyone else did. Just watching. But there was no judgment behind it. 

“So do you have work tomorrow?” Jungeun asked her, finishing her food. 

“I believe so.” 

“You do.” Sooyoung reminded.

“I do..” Jinsoul corrected herself, shaking her head. Jungeun just side eyed her, grabbing her dirty plate and washing it for her. Jungeun grabbed her things, waving goodbye and leaving out of the front door. Jinsoul slowly shut it behind her, turning to see the taller girl waving her off as well. 

“She totally thinks I'm crazy.” Jinsoul sighed.

Sooyoung chuckled. “Do you think you’re crazy Jinsoul?” Sooyoung didn’t really think she was crazy. Her spirit was present after all. Jinsoul was seeing her. Not completely, but she was there. Almost like a dream that could slip away at any moment. 

“I honestly don’t know..” She admitted, leaving to go shower. Sooyoung followed her into the bathroom, and Jinsoul just eyed her. 

“What are you doing? I’m about to undress.” She said shyly, keeping her fingers at the hem of her shirt. Sooyoung swiftly turned around, closing her eyes tightly. 

“Go ahead. I’m not looking.” 

Jinsoul hesitated for a moment. But she eventually got undressed, turning the shower water on. “Don’t turn around yet..” She warned, and Sooyoung obeyed her command. “Do um— do ghosts shower?” 

“Are you saying I smell bad?” The taller girl teased, smirking to herself as she could sense the panic from the other girl.

“What? No. I’m just— because you’re all… flowy and stuff.”

“Flowy?” Sooyoung teased, turning around after forgetting what Jinsoul told her to do. Had she been in a clearer form you’d be able to see the blush that formed on her cheeks when she caught a glimpse of Jinsoul’s naked body. It was _ perfect. _

Sooyoung was sure she had never seen anything like it. A toned stomach, wide hips and perky breasts that sat atop her chest just right. She quickly turned back around, apologizing frantically. Jinsoul would’ve been a bit more embarrassed if Sooyoung’s reaction wasn’t so cute. She felt ashamed at how her confidence skyrocketed just from seeing how flustered she was. Was it wrong? 

“It’s okay. I’m getting in now, so you can turn back.” She laughed, stepping inside of the shower. Sooyoung’s cheeks were still heated up from what just happened. But she quickly moved on, finding anything to talk about with Jinsoul. Favorite colors, siblings, jobs, school, their favorite foods. Just simple icebreakers. When Jinsoul got into her bed that night, Sooyoung was just standing beside her. 

“Uh… are you going to just stare at me all night?” She asked anxiously.

“No— just until you fall asleep.” That didn’t make Jinsoul feel any better honestly. But she was too tired to even protest. She had long forgotten about Sooyoung’s presence when she drifted off to sleep. The taller girl felt herself relaxing at Jinsoul sleeping so peacefully. So she stepped off, leaving her alone. Jinsoul woke up that next morning and she swore she dreamt everything that happened yesterday. 

Before work she had an appointment with her therapist, and she was still pretty shut out from the world. But as she sat there she realized how anxious she was to talk about what happened yesterday. “I had a strange dream yesterday..” She spoke softly, and Haseul turned to give her all of her attention.

“A dream?” She repeated.

“Yeah.. um— this girl came to me and she was basically a ghost. And she talked to me and it just.. all felt so real. Ya know?” She rambled, and Haseul nodded. 

“Maybe it was a dream.. did this ghost— help you forget about things for a while?” 

“Yeah… she did. Now that I think about it.” Jinsoul admitted. 

“Maybe you were daydreaming. Daydreams sometimes alter your perception of time. Making you feel like you’re in a different time than your present one.” Haseul informed. “I suppose daydreaming is just how you’re learning to cope with your emotions these days?” 

“Yeah.. uh sure.” Jinsoul said calmly, listening to the other woman’s words. 

“Anything else you want to talk about?” 

“No..not really.” And that concluded her session with the therapist that she was slowly becoming comfortable with. _ Very slowly _. 

When Jinsoul got home she called out to her friend, but she didn’t show up. So she resorted to watching tv, like, actually watching tv for once. Usually she’d just turn it on and stare at the screen. But now she was actually intrigued with whatever was going on in the show she watched on the tiny television. She waited, and waited.

Sooyoung didn’t show. 

“You’re late.” Her supervisor said. 

“Sorry— buses were running late. I called it in, nobody answered.” She informed, walking by and clocking in. “It won't happen again.” 

Work dragged on as always, and she was starting to remember why she hated it here despite loving the beautiful sea life. But she needed the money. When she got home she took her hair from its ponytail, throwing her jacket onto the sofa and kicking her shoes off. “Hey— I just cleaned up the place.” She heard a familiar voice, and she could see Sooyoung standing in her kitchen. 

She had a faint smile on her face as she made a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Hungry?” 

“Where were you?” Jinsoul asked, walking over to her and ignoring the sandwich completely.

“I had things to do.” Sooyoung said truthfully, smiling at her. “Why? Did you miss me?” 

“No.” She lied, grabbing the sandwich and taking a bite. Sooyoung smiled at that. “Was just curious.” 

The taller girl watched as she walked off. Jinsoul seemed really tired, so Sooyoung decided to run her a bath as she sat in her room. The door opened and Sooyoung appeared, watching as Jinsoul removed her shirt. The blonde’s head snapped in her direction, slightly covering her clothed breast with her arm. 

Sooyoung nervously looked away. “Uh..I um— ran you a bubble bath.” She informed, still looking down. Jinsoul didn’t know what it was but she felt… something. 

“Thank you Sooyoung.” She grabbed her towel, walking by the girl. Sooyoung waited for her to finish, looking out the window onto the civilization as the sun peeked through the clouds slightly. Jinsoul sat in the hot water, feeling every part of her body relax. She didn’t know how long she was in there, but she had fallen asleep, unaware of the fact she was slowly sliding lower and lower. 

The water just felt so good on her tired body. Sooyoung had realized she was in there for quite some time, going to the bathroom and knocking on the door. But she didn’t get a response from the blonde. “Jinsoul?” She called again.

Nothing.

And so she took it in herself to open the door, panicking the moment she saw the girl submerged in water. “Jinsoul!” She shouted, pulling the girl from the bathtub immediately. She coughed out, water spilling from her lips as Sooyoung held her close. 

She opened her eyes, seeing Sooyoung worriedly looking back at her. “Are you okay?” She asked, obvious panic in her voice.

She looked like an angel. 

“A-Am I dead?” Jinsoul questioned, her hearing muffled from the water that was in her ears. Sooyoung laughed nervously.

“N-no. You’re not dead.” Sooyoung reassured.

“You look like an angel..” 

“And you look like you need sleep.” Sooyoung wrapped a towel around her body, lifting her up bridal style and taking her to the room. She felt bad, but she looked through her drawers, finding something for her to wear. “How’d you fall asleep in there?” 

“It just… felt so relaxing. I haven’t felt that relaxed in a really long time.” She said softly. She felt bad for making Sooyoung panic that way. But she really didn’t mean it. But truthfully, she didn’t even attempt to stop when she felt herself sliding under. But she wasn’t going to admit that to the already anxious girl.

“No more baths for you, unless I'm in there with you.” She said bluntly, making Jinsoul blush. When Sooyoung noticed what she had said she turned, seeing the girl’s cheeks bright red. “I-I didn’t mean like that. I meant, like sit in there.. ya know. Not in the tub with you.” 

“Of course not.” Jinsoul added.

“Yeah..” Sooyoung trailed off, quickly handing her the clothes she picked out. But now all Jinsoul could think about was that. 

She found herself only looking forward to seeing Sooyoung whenever she got home. The girl being present with a bright smile, whenever she got there. It seemed as the days passed by, Sooyoung had gotten even more beautiful. Not that she wasn’t before.. but it was like she had a brighter glow to her. 

Sooyoung always wore the same clothing, and although Jinsoul found that weird she was still infatuated with the girl. When Sooyoung smiled at her, she _ actually _ smiled back. Not even her closest friends could get that out of her. When Sooyoung saw her smile, she wondered why she didn’t do it more often. Her smile was absolutely breathtaking, and if her heart hadn’t stopped long ago, she was sure Jinsoul’s cheery smile would have done the job. 

She suggested they go out for dinner, and Jinsoul wasn’t sure why her waiter looked at her with a weird expression the whole time. It was probably because she was ordering for someone who wasn’t even present. Although she insisted that “her friend” would like a glass of water. 

The following week, Jinsoul found herself alone again. Sooyoung disappearing randomly, just as she always did. It was longer this time. It usually only lasted about 2 days. But each time it increased. 

She lied in bed one night, hearing her door slowly opened. She sat up, seeing that familiar face in the doorway. “Missed me?” She asked, an unusual cocky tone in her voice.

“I did.” Jinsoul finally admitted for once, watching as the taller girl walked over to her.

“I know..” She said, climbing onto the bed. “I could hear you moaning my name while you touched yourself last night.. from very far away.” Jinsoul became flustered, how did she even know that? 

“It was a dream— hearing my name fall from those lips of yours. I didn’t know you were so naughty Jinsoul..” She said, whispering into her ear. And Jinsoul _ swore _ she felt her. She had never gotten that close to the girl. She seemed almost untouchable. Like if she even stood too close to her she would vanish into thin air. 

She felt her hot hands all over her body, and her unbelievably soft lips pressed against her neck. She shuddered, remembering how she imagined Sooyoung doing the exact same thing when she was rubbing her clit the night before. She felt dirty, and ashamed. Sooyoung knew, and that scared her.

She didn’t know why thinking of Sooyoung helped her finally climax. She thought about everything else, even attempted to watch porn and it just didn’t give her the same effect as thinking of the taller girl. Leaving hot kisses wherever her lips touched. 

“Is this real?” Jinsoul asked breathily, looking up into the starry eyes that slowly looked over her face. 

“Do you believe it’s real Jinsoul?” Sooyoung asked, kissing her again right at the corner of her lip teasingly. She watched as Jinsoul literally chased her lips as she backed away. 

“I-I don’t know…” She said. She really hoped it was. 

“Neither do I.” Sooyoung said back, spreading her legs slowly. “But I’m in your head… so this must be real right? Or do you just think of me _ that much?” _

“S-Sooyoung.. please—“ The girl begged, she just wanted to be touched already. 

“Please what?” 

“Touch me.. I want to know— if it’s real.”

Liar. 

She simply just wanted Sooyoung. But she was too stubborn to admit that. Sooyoung removed everything from the waist down, moving in between her legs. She smiled at her beautiful scent, and the obvious mess she had made just from the simple kisses on her skin. 

Without another word, her tongue licked up the girl’s slit, and she felt it. It was hot, too hot. She felt like she was on fire, especially when she felt that same tongue swirling around her clit. Just how she _ imagined_ it before. She felt bad for thinking of Sooyoung that way, but she truly couldn’t help herself. It just happened, the orgasm was amazing but the shame that followed made her feel so dirty. 

But now, it seemed she was getting what she longed for last night. “Fuck—“ She moaned, and Sooyoung felt the sharp curse in her core. She had never heard something so beautiful, and she really wanted to hear more. Sooyoung’s hands on her were unbelievably soft, it was actually unreal. How could someone be this soft? It was almost like she wasn’t even touching her. Everything was so light, so faint. 

She could feel Sooyoung’s plump lips on her pussy, and fuck she almost passed out. “Sooyoung—“ She choked out a moan, her hand grabbing the pillow behind her head tightly as she let Sooyoung have her way with her. 

It really didn’t take Jinsoul long before her hot cum was being cleaned up by the girl in between her legs. “Jinsoul— I didn’t know you had such a dirty mouth..” Sooyoung said, leaning up to kiss her with wet lips. Jinsoul moaned into the kiss, her head feeling far too heavy for her to hold up.

“Get some rest— you have an appointment in the morning.” She reminded her, and just like that Sooyoung was gone.

But was she ever really there? 

When Jinsoul’s alarm blared throughout the room, she opened her eyes, quickly hitting snooze. She rubbed at her eyes, the sun peeking through her blinds. She had to get ready for her appointment.

Last night felt surreal, but when she got out of bed and realized she was naked from the waist down… yeah. Had that really happened? She went to the bathroom to clean her face and brush her teeth. She was actually feeling good today. 

So when she heard Haseul calling her name, she cheerily stood up and followed her to the back. 

“I see you’re in a good mood today. I’m happy to see it.” She smiled and Jinsoul nodded.

“Something like that.” She tried to downplay it, still talking about Sooyoung. 

“So— talk to me. Still having those daydreams?” 

“N-no actually. They stopped about a week ago actually.” She explained. Being with Sooyoung always felt like a dream, but she wasn’t literally watching the girl fade away and move around the house freely. She seemed almost human like. 

“Is that a good or bad thing?”

“Um.. I'm not sure. It isn’t like it was ever bad to begin with.” She admitted. Although she was confused, she was intrigued by it all. She felt less lonely the past month if anything. 

“And you’re still taking your medication?” She asked, receiving a nod in return. She explained how the medication was still the same, sometimes just enough to give her that extra kick for the day. But it was only so much it could do for someone like her. “And have you been talking with your friend recently?”

“Jungeun?” Haseul nodded. “Yeah.” She lied. She hadn’t talked to Jungeun in days, and although she felt horrible about it, Sooyoung was there to keep her company. Distracting her and leaving her in complete bliss.

“That’s great. I’m glad things are coming along for you.” 

“Thank you.. too early to tell though.” Jinsoul said. She wasn’t one to get her hopes up too easily. 

Jinsoul sat there in silence for a moment as Haseul typed something up. Debating on if she wanted to ask the question she had or not. “Can I bring my friend next time?” 

“Jungeun?” 

“No, No— Sooyoung.” She corrected. Now Haseul was really confused. She hadn’t been introduced to a Sooyoung. Or had Jinsoul mentioned her and she just missed it? She hoped not. 

“Um— sure.” Haseul smiled again, leading her out. “Next week, same time, same place.” 

Jinsoul rushed home. Well, as much as she could considering she had to rely on public transportation. But when she got there, Sooyoung was waiting, as always. “Hi.” She smiled, seeing Jinsoul run over to her to give her a hug. But the girl simply ran through the girl, gasping when she realized. 

“Sorry.” Sooyoung laughed nervously. “My body is a little faulty today.” 

“It’s okay.” Jinsoul gave a gentle smile, although she didn’t understand. “Last night was um.. really nice.” She said, recalling the events. 

“Last night?” Sooyoung questioned. She tilted her head cutely. 

“Do you not remember?” Jinsoul felt her heart break, and Sooyoung could feel it too, clutching at her chest. 

“I do remember.” She lied. “How could I forget?” Jinsoul’s frown immediately flipped. 

Of course she didn’t forget. Silly Jinsoul. Sooyoung found herself becoming infatuated with the other girl. Her smile that was rarely shown, her cute husky giggle and how expressive she was whenever she spoke. It had been a blessing to see Jinsoul slowly coming around again after such grueling years of pain and agony. Things wouldn’t be fixed overnight. But she was glad she played a part in it, despite not really being there. 

Oh she wished she was really there. So she could properly hug her. Properly feel how warm her skin was, and pick up her scent. But she needed Jinsoul to just believe a little more.. she wasn’t quite there yet. But who would trust a spirit? To any average human, something like this just didn’t seem possible. But it was possible. Sooyoung was sure she was sent to Jinsoul for a reason.

Jinsoul noticed Sooyoung staring as she slowly got ready for bed. Staring as if Jinsoul hand picked all of the stars and placed them carefully in the sky. And when she smiled, Jinsoul smiled too. Sooyoung watched over the girl as she drifted off to sleep. She took in how relaxed Jinsoul always looked. Like all of her worries were just put to the side and her brain was finally able to just _ relax _. 

No thoughts. No worries. Just relaxing. And when she was sure she was fast asleep, she vanished, as always. 

Jinsoul walked to her doctor's office with Sooyoung following closely behind her. “Jung Jinsoul.” She heard Haseul call. Her smooth voice becoming one of Jinsoul’s favorite things. After Sooyoung’s voice of course. 

“How are you today?” She asked, allowing the girl to step into her office first. 

“Good actually.. I brought a friend.” She smiled, and Haseul had an obvious confused expression on her face.

“Say Hi.” Jinsoul said, turning to her left. Sooyoung sat beside her, smiling shyly and waving. 

“She waved.” Jinsoul informed the shorter girl, seeing her nod her head. 

“Um.. Hi.. your name?” She asked, going along with it.

“Sooyoung. Her name is Sooyoung.” 

“Sooyoung huh? That’s a pretty name.” 

“She’s very pretty too.” She added, seeing Sooyoung slightly blush.

“So— describe this Sooyoung to me.” 

Jinsoul thought for a moment. “She’s a great listener, very caring.. she has a cute giggle, and a pretty smile. Um… her voice is really nice too. It’s almost like you’re being wrapped up in a tight hug whenever she speaks.” 

Haseul wrote all of this down. “She’s a bit tall. About an inch or two taller than me so she’s definitely taller than you..”

Haseul shot her a glare, making her giggle. Haseul was sure that was the first time she had ever heard a laugh of some sort come from the blonde. “I’m going to give you a higher dosage of your meds.. I'll put in the prescription and you can pick it up within 3 days. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Jinsoul responded, not even looking at Haseul. But instead at the girl who sat with a small smile on her face. 

“How’s the progress coming along?” 

“I feel.. okay? Sooyoung makes me feel great but overall I'm okay.” She admitted.

“That’s okay.. soon you’ll be great.” She smiled, printing the paper and handing it to her. “I’ve already put the prescription in, just use this paper as verification when you pick it up.”

“Got it.” Jinsoul smiled, standing up and walking out. Haseul didn’t even need to walk her out this time, because she had Sooyoung.

Haseul honestly couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Had Jinsoul really created an imaginary friend? 

“She’s definitely freaked out.” Sooyoung mentioned, standing beside Jinsoul at the bus stop. 

“Why? What’s wrong with introducing a friend?” 

“It isn’t that you’re wrong, it’s that.. you’re the only person who can see me. Remember?” 

Sooyoung was sure she had told Jinsoul about that before. But regardless, Sooyoung was not seen to the naked eye. Only chosen ones could see them. Some friendly, some angry, mean. Looking for drama because they feed on it. 

Jinsoul wasn’t sure what it was at first when she lay in bed that night, but she soon realized she was being kissed softly along her shoulder. “Sooyoung..” She groaned, being awaken from her slumber. 

“Shh.. let me make you feel good.” The girl whispered, reaching a hand down the girl’s shorts. She pressed her body against Jinsoul’s back, her fingers teasingly rubbing through the hot folds that belonged to the stunning blonde.

She moaned softly, leaning back against Sooyoung and wrapping an arm around her neck. “Fuck..” She moaned softly, feeling her folds become slicker the more Sooyoung rubbed at them. “Right there—“ She whined, her hand gripping at Sooyoung’s wrist tightly. Her phone had been ringing, but she was too hypnotized to even realize. 

“Come on Jinsoul…” Jungeun said, calling her again as she drove over to her place. 

Jinsoul didn’t know what was better, the fingers working against her clit or the way Sooyoung was sucking at her neck relentlessly. She grinded her ass against the front of Sooyoung, hearing her whimper at the pressure against her front. “Come on Jinsoul…” Sooyoung encouraged, feeling her grind against her fingers eagerly. 

“Don’t move.. please i’m close.” She begged again, feeling her stomach tighten from the blinding pleasure. 

She came hard against her fingers, feeling Sooyoung kissing her softly as she came down from her high. “Good?” Sooyoung asked softly, holding her close.

“Great…. can you—“ She was cut off when Sooyoung pushed two fingers inside of her.

“Keep going?” She smirked, finishing the blonde’s sentence for her. Jinsoul couldn’t even speak, the husky moans falling from her lips. Sooyoung adjusted her slightly, laying her on her back and hovering over her. Fingers thrusting in and out as she showed her admiration with her lips against her chest and neck.

Jungeun pulled into the lot, running up the stairs and attempting to call one last time. But it was like white noise to Jinsoul, because the way Sooyoung was fucking her literally had her losing focus. “Right there!” Jinsoul moaned out, feeling the tip of Sooyoung’s fingers hitting her _ right _ where she needed. 

“Right here?” Sooyoung repeated, curling her fingers up again right where Jinsoul needed. 

“Yes!” She moaned out. 

Jungeun opened the door, hearing noises coming from down the hall. She could tell it was Jinsoul, and it seemed like she was in distress. “Jinsoul!” Jungeun called out, the noise getting louder the closer she got. She opened the door, seeing Jinsoul come undone, her hand moving underneath her blanket. 

“Sooyoung!” She moaned out.

“Jinsoul?” She called out in shock, seeing the girl instantly freeze up. 

“What are you doing here?” She shouted, sitting up quickly. Cheeks flushed and panting heavily. Her legs still shook slightly from her orgasm, but she was really embarrassed seeing how shocked Jungeun was. 

“Who is Sooyoung?” Jungeun asked.

“S-She was right here.” Jinsoul said. “I swear she was.” The girl frantically searched around the room. Okay, now Jungeun was scared.

“Jinsoul what are you talking about? Nobody is here.” 

“Sooyoung! She was here. Right here— she was touching me.” Jinsoul added, trying so hard to show that she wasn’t crazy. But Sooyoung wasn’t there. And she really did look crazy. 

“Have you been seeing your therapist?” 

“Jungeun i’m not crazy..” Jinsoul said, her voice shaking as she tried to explain.

“Have you?” 

“I did yesterday.. Jungeun you have to believe me. She was right here.. touching me and kissing me I swear.” 

“Okay Jinsoul.” The brunette tried to calm her friend down. Something was clearly wrong here. “Sorry for uh— interrupting.” She left, shutting the door behind her. 

Jinsoul didn’t even know what to do. She felt like an idiot. 

It had been a week since that last incident, and Jinsoul hadn’t seen Sooyoung. She didn’t even appear in her dreams anymore. Wet dreams weren’t exactly her favorite thing, but it was the closest she could get to Sooyoung. It all felt so real. It had to be real. 

It had to be.

It had been 2 weeks now since she last saw the taller girl that had been running through her mind for the past 2 months. 

Jinsoul was slowly starting to lose hope. Her days were back to being gloomy, the only thing she looked forward to had been ripped away from her. Just like everything else in her life. She didn’t even look forward to coming home at this point. The taller girl had infested the entire place. All she could see was Sooyoung when she went there. She couldn’t grasp what was real or fake anymore. It seemed to be a pretty fine line between the two lately. 

She found herself stuck in her room more often, just like how it used to be. Her days felt long and dragged out, and she started drinking even nights before she had a shift in the morning. Just to numb the pain she was feeling for a little longer. It was always apparent, but it never really sunk in how no matter what happened in her life she would always feel this empty. This dark hole swallowing her up at every waking moment. It was tiring, and she really was trying to understand why she kept putting herself through this.

She could just end it all. 

But she couldn’t leave her friends. She couldn’t leave _ Sooyoung_. But she wasn’t aware that Sooyoung would quite literally never be really gone. She was always there. Just from afar, rather than so close. Although she really wanted to be, it was for the best. Just for a little while. 

And oh god did she miss her. She knew she had to be out there somewhere. Jinsoul really hoped she was okay, and she would come back to her soon. But she didn’t keep her hopes up too high. She hated being disappointed, so she never set herself up for it. 

The blonde was on her way to work one day, having to use public transportation since her car had broken down not too long ago. She was blasting her music so she wouldn’t think of the other girl. It was becoming harder, especially with her self destructive lifestyle. All Jinsoul did was think. She never left her house to distract herself for a few hours. Leaving her alone with her thoughts was dangerous. She understood why her friends had her on a leash now. 

She didn’t even check both ways when she stepped off of that sidewalk, and into the busy roads. So when a bus was driving down the street at an increasing speed, beeping the horn and trying to stop as best as he could. Jinsoul didn’t even hear it, just blindly walking in the path of a bus sliding down a wet road, moving directly towards her. 

His foot was on the break but it was no use, he was going to hit this poor girl. Although it wouldn’t exactly be his fault she was so careless. But when she felt a gust of wind, and she hit the ground hard it knocked her out of the world she was caught up in. Watching as the bus swerved and hit the side of a building. Her eyes widened as she realized she had almost gotten ran down by a bus. The people panicking as they ran over to the collision. 

Sooyoung limped off of the scene, going into an alleyway and crashing into a brick wall. She held herself, her body slightly mangled from literally being a shield for Jinsoul moments ago. But it was mandatory. Not just because it was her job technically, but because she couldn’t let her get hurt. It would crush her. It started out as something as simple as that, but the longer she spent with the girl, watching over her, even from afar. She found herself falling hopelessly in love with her.

She knew it was such a short amount of time, but when you’re around someone almost everyday, it felt like a lifetime. She wanted to be around the other girl for a lifetime. She was sure of that. She wished she was able to meet Jinsoul properly.. and not in this form. There was a barrier almost and she hated it. 

She had been scolded by the gods for becoming too attached to the person she took care of. Because her body had become weak due to being so far away for such a long period of time. But she just wanted to make sure Jinsoul was okay. It wasn’t her fault she was assigned someone so gorgeous. Her personality is what made her so much better. 

There were so many layers to her, you just had to keep peeling them back and Sooyoung did just that. She wanted to know everything. She was sweet, charming, hilarious. All while being so painfully broken, detached from everything around her. Sooyoung wished she had the power to take that all away from her. She deserved true happiness. 

Jinsoul felt so bad for what happened, going over to the scene and instantly turning away when she saw the damage. She felt like she would vomit any second now, the scene nauseating. She felt so much guilt. How could she be so careless? 

She quickly walked away from the scene, nearly tripping over her own feet as she tried to get far away from it. Her hands and knees scraped up from how harsh she was knocked to the side. 

She passed the alleyway where Sooyoung resided, looking back and hearing sirens in the distance. Sooyoung found the strength to stand up, walking onto the sidewalk and watching as the blonde hastily walked off. She felt her heart skip a beat after seeing her again. It had been far too long.

She felt bad, but even in this fucked up situation she was mesmerized by the girl’s beauty. And when Jinsoul turned back around, Sooyoung was gone. 

Even after explaining to her boss that she was late because of an accident earlier, he didn’t believe her. He brought up how the past 2 weeks she had been arriving to work late or not at all. She sort of saw where he was coming from. 

“I’m sorry but we’re going to have to terminate you.” He said, a frown on his face. 

Jinsoul panicked. “What? No… I _ need _ this job.” 

“I’m sorry Jinsoul.. I’ve let you off plenty of times but there’s only so much I can do when HR steps in. I have been advised to let you go.” He informed sadly, and Jinsoul sat back in her chair, letting out a long sigh. “You can finish the last hour of your shift, and you’ll still get paid. I wish you the best.” He stood up, leaving the room. 

She wanted to cry, but there were genuinely no tears there for her. She was just disappointed in herself. She didn’t even finish that last hour, she clocked out and just left. She removed her uniform shirt, tossing it in the trash and quickly putting her hoodie on. 

It was like the universe was out to get her today. Because just as she was waiting for the bus, it started pouring down. She really should have gotten a car. If only her parents would step in and help her instead of being so selfish. Everything was delayed today due to the accident she unintentionally caused. Constant detours, so a simple 35 minute trip home turned into nearly an hour.

When she got home she was exhausted, and the weight of everything finally set in for her. She had lost her job, and she didn’t really have anywhere else to go once she ran out of money to pay for rent. Her parents wouldn’t let her move back in, and she refused to move in with any of her friends. She just couldn’t bring that burden to them. They didn’t deserve that. 

She went into the kitchen, shakily grabbing the alcohol bottle from the fridge. She poured a shot, downing it immediately. Her body so numb that even the strong burn didn’t faze her. 

“I have to… she’s struggling right now.” Sooyoung pleaded, her eyes closed as she kneeled down. “I did what you said— I followed your orders. I watched from afar, and she almost got hurt today.” 

The woman scoffed, a literal halo above her head as she spoke. “You’re too attached!” She scolded, seeing Sooyoung wince from the way her voice echoed. “I sent you to simply guide her, and you can’t even do that?”

“I did! But she needs me… and I-I need her too.” 

“You don’t need her. You’re already dead. The worst thing that could happen to you is being deemed to hell for disobeying me.” 

“Vivi..” Sooyoung started, the woman slammed her fist down on her chair. 

“Silence!” She glared. “Do you understand the danger you are putting yourself in? You are too exposed to the world. You’ll turn into dust if you become too weak. Are you not understanding that Sooyoung?” She didn’t mean to be so harsh. But Sooyoung was so damn stubborn. She understood the consequences of her actions and yet she still did it.

“You will cease to exist completely. There will be no heaven or hell for you. You will simply fall through a dark hole forever.” She warned. Sooyoung sighed in defeat. 

“Just this last time.. please?” She begged, eyes soft as she stared up at the woman. 

Vivi couldn’t understand why she was risking so much for this girl. But she did her best to warn her. Whatever happened after this was on her. “This is the _ last_ time.” Sooyoung bowed to her, opening her eyes and seeing the reality she was in again. 

Earth.

She had to get to Jinsoul. 

It tore her up inside, knowing she would have to leave Jinsoul again. But she wanted to at least be there for her in such a difficult time. She already knew what happened to the girl. She always knew. But what she didn’t know was that Jinsoul was at home, attempting to get drunk out of her mind. 

It wasn’t working though. Nothing was working. She thought about just ending it right here, eyeing the knives in the drawers and feeling a tears roll down her cheek. “I’m sorry Jungeun…” She said, grabbing the knife. “I’m sorry Jiwoo… and Haseul…” She eyed it carefully, seeing the sharp blade literally shining and begging her to put it on her skin.

“And Yerim. God i’m so sorry.” And the moment she went to press the blade down her wrist was gripped up. And when she turned she saw Sooyoung, staring back at her with teary eyes. 

“I can’t let you do that..” Sooyoung simply said. “I won’t let you do it.”

Jinsoul began panting heavily, her sadness turning into anger. “Fuck you!” She shouted, dropping the knife to the floor. “You’re not real!” She shouted.

“I am.” Sooyoung explained, moving forward only to be pushed back harder.

“You’re not! You’re just— in my head!” She said, breaking Sooyoung’s heart even more. 

“I’m here Jinsoul— I swear.” 

She really was there. 

“No!” She shouted, slamming her closed fists against the girl’s chest. Sooyoung just let her, she needed to get it all out. And eventually Sooyoung could feel her slowly stopping, her hits getting weaker and weaker. 

Because now Jinsoul could _ feel_ her. And holy shit… she was there. She hadn’t even taken in her appearance when she arrived, how tan her skin was. The way her dark silky hair fell down her back. She had almost this glow to her, as if she was some other being that was amongst her. She was too caught up in her emotions to realize Sooyoung really was there. 

But how? 

Jinsoul’s eyes slowly found Sooyoung’s, the soft hazel color looking back into hers. Holy fuck, she had to be an angel. She could literally see the way her eyes glimmered. That simple look from Sooyoung slowly mending her back together. “You’re.. you’re here…” Jinsoul said shakily, her lip quivering as she held Sooyoung by the shirt tightly. 

“I’m here.” It was real. As real as a dead person being alive could be. 

“Why did you leave me?” She asked, her voice breaking as she spoke those words to the girl that looked at her with tenderness in her eyes. 

“It’s hard to explain..” 

“Damn your explanation!” Jinsoul shouted angrily, pushing her away again. She felt like she couldn’t breathe when Sooyoung left her like that. Making her feel alive just to take it away from her and leave her in that dark hole that she couldn’t seem to get out of. It was selfish. But Sooyoung came into her life and then vanished without a word. It wasn’t fair. “You left me!” 

“I didn’t _ leave_ you.” Sooyoung said sharply. “I’ve been here. I’ve always been here. I haven’t left. Do you not realize that?” A tear escaping from her eye, she quickly wiped it away. Shaking her head and watching as Jinsoul stared at the ground, breathing shakily. 

“You think I don’t see you hurting yourself? I don’t mean to cause you more pain than you already have. But this is complicated. Because I was sent here for one thing, and I came here and got way more than I asked for.”

Jinsoul looked up at her confused.

“Because I-I love you Jinsoul. And I know it hasn’t been very long but I have been watching you… as creepy as it sounds. I’ve been looking over you. Like a— like a..” 

“Guardian angel.” Jinsoul finished, seeing Sooyoung relax at her words. “You’re my guardian angel..” 

It was all starting to make sense now. Her mind went back to when she was knocked out of the way from being hit by that bus. Every potential danger was taken care of by Sooyoung. Even if she had to throw herself in front of a bus or two. She’d do anything for Jinsoul. 

“You’re an angel..” Jinsoul felt herself become choked up at her words. 

“So.. all those times I dreamed of you.. touching me?”

“It was me.. in dream form.” Sooyoung admitted shyly. “You did dream it, but I helped you.. so you could feel it. _ Feel me.”_

“And the bus?” She asked, afraid of what Sooyoung would say. 

She chuckled. “I took the hit for you.. I’m okay though. Don’t worry. I’m already dead.. just a little bruised up.” She explained.

“But you look… perfect.” Jinsoul pointed out, taking in how spotless the girl was. She really was perfect in every single way. Her hair, her skin, her smile, those big eyes that just stared into her soul with such emotion. Jinsoul watched as Sooyoung raised a hand waving it over her face. When her hand dropped down, it revealed the cuts and bruises she got from the hit.

Jinsoul gasped at that. “God—“ She could see the blood that leaked from her lips, and a cut above the eyebrow. Sooyoung waved her hand back up, and her normal appearance returned. 

“So you’re… really there.” She still couldn’t believe it. Sooyoung nodded, opening her arms. Jinsoul hesitated for a moment, not wanting to get her hopes up again. She slowly walked over to the girl, feeling herself get gently pulled into a hug. And holy shit, she was real. She could actually feel her. She felt warm, she smelled so amazing, and her hands were just as soft as she imagined they’d be. 

“I’m here.” She said softly, her voice clear as day rather than the faint whispers she had grown accustomed to. Her voice was so soft, like a blanket was being wrapped around her and she was being cradled to sleep. It was warm like a cup of hot chocolate on the coldest day of the year. And she’d never felt so safe in someone’s arms before. 

Jinsoul lifted her head from Sooyoung’s chest, only to feel her soft fingers under her chin. She kissed at her cheeks, using her thumbs to wipe away the tears left behind. And then she placed a kiss against her lips and it felt so much better than in the dreams she would have. 

She always would hear how people “melted” into a kiss, and she honestly didn’t believe that. But right now, she was melting, and it didn’t help that Sooyoung was holding her in place with a hand at her lower back. The kiss wasn’t aggressive, it was so soft, Jinsoul craved more. She felt like Sooyoung was barely there. She hated that. 

So she deepened the kiss, and Sooyoung didn’t falter for a second. It felt nice to be able to really touch Jinsoul, and not just imagine what it would be like to. She was soft, and warm and so beautiful. Sooyoung was convinced that maybe she was the real angel here. Jinsoul was a good kisser, or maybe she was just biased because she hadn’t kissed anyone in so long. Either way, she was getting lost in the way her lips moved against hers. 

The kiss was like an unspoken sentence. Without even using words Sooyoung could feel the love just from the way Jinsoul was kissing her. She lifted the girl onto the counter with ease, their lips not leaving each other for even a second. Sooyoung comfortably rested in between her legs, her hands trailing up the hoodie Jinsoul wore. Her skin was hot to the touch, and Sooyoung forgot what it was like to have real human contact… she missed it. 

“Is it true?” Jinsoul suddenly asked, her flustered appearance as she moved her face back just a little. Sooyoung looked at her with a confused expression, so Jinsoul continued on. “You said you love me?” 

“I do..” Sooyoung answered. Jinsoul had to hold back a smile because of how sure Sooyoung seemed about it. She could feel the girl slightly tugging her hoodie up, so she backed away for just a moment so she could pull it over her head. And without another second wasted, Jinsoul’s lips were back on hers. Sooyoung could feel the slight arch in Jinsoul’s back as the blonde desperately tried to close any space between them. 

Sooyoung couldn’t help but feel her heart fluttering at Jinsoul’s neediness. She wanted Sooyoung so badly, and that really made her feel all warm inside. Jinsoul wanted Sooyoung just as much as she wanted her. Her hands ran up and down her back as she bit down on her bottom lip, a gasp leaving her. Sooyoung took the opportunity to push her tongue past pink lips, getting drunk off of the taste of her. 

She could still slightly taste the liquor Jinsoul had been drinking, and for some reason it spiked the strong sensation she was feeling already. She unhooked the girl’s bra with no hassle. “Oh?” Jinsoul laughed, and it was like music to Sooyoung’s ears. She wished she could always hear that laugh. 

“I wanted to try that at least once..” Sooyoung admitted cheekily. 

“Do you want to try me?” Jinsoul asked, realizing that probably sounded a lot better in her head. Sooyoung quirked an eyebrow up at her, watching as Jinsoul looked down between her legs.

“Oh? Wow… you’re kind of dirty.” Sooyoung teased.

“I’ve heard that before.” She smirked, watching as Sooyoung removed her pants, kissing her thighs and then her legs. She remembered Sooyoung doing this in her dreams, but it felt so much better seeing her actually there and actually feeling her. 

She sucked down at the sensitive skin on her inner thigh as she pressed her thumb against Jinsoul’s clothed center. She teasingly ran it over her clit, smiling when she heard a tiny whimper escape Jinsoul’s lips. She pressed down harder, moving it in circles as she bit down on the soft skin. Jinsoul immediately gripped the edge of the counter, trying to concentrate on what Sooyoung was doing to her.

It felt too good to be true. But it was true, this was happening. 

Finally.

She slid her panties to the side and placed her tongue right where Jinsoul needed her. Sooyoung’s hands aggressively clawed at her thighs, pushing her tongue through the warm folds. 

Jinsoul felt a little embarrassed when she heard Sooyoung moaning at her taste. Her cheeks were flushed red as she tried her hardest to watch everything happening. She didn’t want to miss a single moment, but it was impossible with the way Sooyoung was eating her out. 

It physically pained her to have to keep her eyes open when she was feeling _ this _ damn good. She never felt anything like this before. She was aware of her own taste however, because she had tasted herself after masturbating a few times. From genuine curiosity. So she wanted Sooyoung to taste too. She was pleased to see she was enjoying herself, making an even bigger mess than it was before she put her mouth down there. 

“Are you always this quiet?” Sooyoung asked, stopping for a moment. 

“I-I don’t know.. I don’t usually do— this.” She explained shyly, her cheeks flushed from how turned on she was. And how Sooyoung literally had her wetness on her lips.

“Oh— really?” Sooyoung was shocked. Not a single soul wanted to go down on someone as breathtaking as Jinsoul? “Well.. you don’t have to be quiet with me. I want to hear you okay?” She smiled, returning back to her previous task before Jinsoul could even answer. 

“Yes!” She accidentally moaned, a bit louder than she intended. Sooyoung giggled, wrapping her lips around Jinsoul’s clit and sucking lightly as she gripped her thighs gently. Sooyoung now wasn’t as aggressive as she was in Jinsoul’s dreams. But that’s probably because she just imagined what Sooyoung would be like in bed. Her aura gave her an intimidating, authoritative vibe. So she automatically imagined what it would be like to get dominated by the taller girl, had she ever gotten a chance. 

Which she had now.

It wasn’t long before her legs were shaking and she nearly fell back across the counter. Jinsoul didn’t even have a moment to think before she was swooped up by Sooyoung and carried to her room. The girl threw her down (gently) onto the bed, pressing her body against hers and kissing her hungrily. Kissing Jinsoul had definitely become one of Sooyoung’s favorite things. 

Feeling Jinsoul’s hands all over her body as their lips met and their tongues clashed was another one. She felt her hands at the back of her neck, pulling her impossibly closer to deepen the kiss. Jinsoul actually felt lightheaded at some point, realizing she needed a moment to breathe. But also enjoying the buzz it gave her. Sooyoung slowly removed her panties and tossed them to the side, removing her own clothing.

“Don’t want you to feel alone.” She smiled softly, removing her bottoms. Jinsoul just watched and yeah, Sooyoung was definitely an angel. Her abs were impossible to ignore, her skin looked so smooth as if she was a painting of some sort. Her long, dark, gorgeous hair made her look ethereal, and her eyes were so full of love Jinsoul didn’t even need her to speak to understand it. 

She rested in between Jinsoul’s legs, kissing all over her neck and grinding her hips down slightly to apply some sort of pressure there. “Oh — my god..” She moaned, enjoying the slight pleasure as her hips hit her clit. She was already sensitive, so it didn’t take too long to have her close to the edge again. She felt on fire, but Sooyoung’s cool lips calmed her down every now and then. It somewhat put a slight damper on the flame she was slowly creating by rotating her hips like that. 

She moaned against Jinsoul’s soft skin, leaving marks wherever she placed her desperate lips. “Don’t be shy..” Sooyoung said softly, and Jinsoul’s eyes fluttered open to see Sooyoung looking down at her with so much admiration.

“I’m not shy..” She admitted truthfully. “I’m scared..”

Sooyoung frowned at that. “Scared of what?” 

“Scared that you’ll leave.” She admitted nervously, and Sooyoung’s lustful eyes immediately softened. 

“Jinsoul— this is real.. I’m real.” She tried to say, but it wasn’t convincing enough. She grabbed the girl’s hand, placing it on her face and pressing her own hand against it.

“My face.” Sooyoung pointed out jokingly. She moved down to her neck, making the girl grip it tightly.

“My neck.” She said, almost in a whisper. 

“My chest.” Sooyoung smiled, allowing her to cup the perky boobs that sat on her chest. “My abs.” She winked, knowing how Jinsoul drooled over them moments ago, slowly sliding her hand down to her center. It was warm and slick from the wetness that formed there moments ago.

“This— this is yours.” She said softly, squeezing her eyes shut as she guided Jinsoul down to her opening. She pushed two fingers inside, watching as the girl above her struggled to hold herself up. Jinsoul has touched herself before but this just felt so different. She was doing it to someone else… and it was just a totally different experience. 

Seeing how her simple movements did so much to the girl above her. Sooyoung’s moans were far from shy. They were full, loud, needy. It’s like she wanted to give Jinsoul the praise she deserved just from those sounds that left her lips, and the way she ground her hips down onto the fingers inside of her. She hadn’t touched herself in a reallyyyy long time. So she was obviously very sensitive to it all. 

“J-Jinsoul..” She moaned softly, the girl thrusting up into her as she rode her fingers. 

It felt so good, and if she could handle more she probably would’ve let her keep going. But that tightening feeling in the pit of her stomach snapped, and she slammed her hips down one last time as she moaned against Jinsoul’s soft lips. Jinsoul felt so powerful in that moment. She had someone so beautiful crumbling on top of her. Sooyoung gave light kisses against her lips as she rocked her hips back and forth, riding out the orgasm. 

“Is this real enough for you?” She whispered against her lips, slowly lifting herself off of Jinsoul. The moment she felt her move away, she sat up, quickly pushing Sooyoung down, spreading her legs and going in for a taste. 

And holy fuck, she tasted like _ heaven _. 

Sooyoung felt almost lightheaded at the way Jinsoul’s warm tongue hungrily moved through her folds. She had been to heaven but even that didn’t compare to what Jinsoul was doing to her right now. And she felt so fucking dirty. But it felt so good. This wasn’t fair. 

And Jinsoul didn’t mind dying if this was what it was like up there. She never really thought about it, or believed in it. But Sooyoung really was an angel, in every way possible. She was her saving grace. She was her home in human form. 

And her moans had to be the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard. It was almost like she was singing to her with how soft they were. Her name leaving her mouth in broken moans, and her hand running through Jinsoul’s hair softly. She was unbelievably gentle. 

The blonde didn’t know if she loved or hated it. She loved it because Sooyoung literally treated her like the most precious thing in the entire world. Like if she touched her a little too hard she’d break her, because she was just that perfect. But she hated it too, because she wanted Sooyoung to know that she owned her. She was completely hers in every single way. She wanted to be marked up, she wanted Sooyoung’s soft hands around her neck. Or groping at her breasts aggressively. 

She wanted to feel nails digging into her skin when something felt good, or when she wanted to hold Jinsoul in place because she was getting too out of hand. But fuck she loved how Sooyoung literally praised her body like she was some sort of god. 

Because when Sooyoung came on her tongue she flipped the switch almost immediately, still shaking as she spread Jinsoul’s legs apart. She kissed her lips, the kiss a little more aggressive than their previous ones, tasting herself. She moaned against Jinsoul’s lips, just as she pushed her fingers into the girl. Her eyes widened at how tight and warm she was. 

“Shit..” She moaned, feeling her walls clenching around her fingers. She thrust slowly, and although it drove Jinsoul crazy she loved every second of it, because it was Sooyoung. 

“Is this okay?” Sooyoung asked, her warm breath hitting Jinsoul’s ear and sending chills down her spine.

“Mhm..” She moaned, biting down onto the girl’s shoulder as she felt her picking up the pace a little. 

“I can read your mind when I'm this close to you.. did you know that?” Sooyoung asked, and Jinsoul’s eyes snapped open. “If you want me to fuck you like that— you have to ask…” She added, placing a thumb at her clit and curling her fingers up all at once. 

“Sooyoung—“ She moaned out, barely able to think because of those fingers inside of her. “Please.. I’m close.” Her nails digging into the girl’s shoulders, nearly making her moan at the stinging sensation she felt. 

“What do you want?” She asked her, stopping her movements all together and kissing along her jawline gently.

“W-Why’d you stop?” She whined, trying to move her hips against the fingers inside of her. But she felt a strong hand holding her in place, and when she looked up she swore Sooyoung’s hazel eyes turned into black holes. 

“Because you need to tell me what you want..” 

“I want you.” 

“Not good enough.” Sooyoung said, she could sit here all day and it wouldn’t bother her. 

Jinsoul could already feel herself blushing. Sooyoung could already read her mind, so whatever she was thinking right now was exposed to her. So she didn’t hold back. “Stop being so gentle with me… God— I want you to fucking ruin me.” She demanded, and Sooyoung smirked. 

“Was that so hard?” She tilted her head, moving her fingers once again to build her up. She kissed her lips, and then her chest, all the way down to her center again. “I’ll ruin you.. if that’s what you really want.” Her voice was dangerously low, and the moment she felt Sooyoung’s tongue on her clit, the fingers that were inside of her started moving dangerously fast. 

“Fuck!” She moaned out, feeling way too much at once. Sooyoung used her other hand to travel up the girl’s body, twisting at her nipple as she sucked and licked at her clit. Jinsoul swore she felt teeth at one point and she moaned even louder. Maybe she shouldn’t have told someone with unwavering stamina that she wanted to be ruined by them. 

Her eyes literally rolled back when she felt how deep Sooyoung was going into her, the intoxicating sound of how wet she was filling her ears and becoming another favorite sound of hers. She felt disgusting being that wet, and it didn’t help that Sooyoung was making a mess while she sucked and licked at her swollen clit. “Fuck! I-I’m going to cum. Fuck..” She moaned loudly, one hand in her own hair as her back arched and she panted heavily. While the other ran through Sooyoung’s hair, moving down to her neck to pull her closer and then back up so she could run her fingers through long silky hair. 

She opened her eyes for just a moment, moving Sooyoung’s hair aside and watching her eyes flicker in her direction as she ate her out. Making sure to put on a show for the girl watching with hooded eyelids and cute rosy cheeks. Her thrusts became deeper and every time she hit further back she’d curl her fingers up, coaxing her to come. 

It was like Jinsoul could hear Sooyoung in her head, telling her to come for her, and be a good girl. Except she wasn’t just thinking it, Sooyoung really was in her head. How was she even doing that? 

“Come for me baby girl.” Those words echoed in her head and made her feel dizzy the longer Sooyoung fucked her. Her voice was so sexy and you wouldn’t ever imagine words like that leaving someone with such a cute face like hers. It had to be some sort of trap. 

“Fuck.. you’re going to make me..” 

“Squirt? I know..” Sooyoung said, putting her lips back onto her clit and sucking hard. Her thrust became more aggressive, knowing Jinsoul was close. She had never felt pleasure like this before, she felt like she would float into the sky because of how good it felt. This had to be some sort of crime. Nobody should have the power to make someone else feel this good. This was just pure evil.

“Oh fuck— Sooyoung baby…” She moaned, and the dark haired girl’s fingers curled one last time and she was lapping up any liquids that gushed from the cute girl above her. She actually froze, it felt like she couldn’t move, as if her limbs just stopped working. 

Sooyoung sat up, sucking her fingers clean while she ran her other hand through her messy hair. “I know you’re tired after that.. but I want to go another round.” She smiled, helping the limp girl up. She flipped her over, forcing her face down into the mattress. Jinsoul gasped at the roughness, a new side coming from Sooyoung… per her request. 

She pushed her fingers into the girl, and Jinsoul wasn’t sure if it was this position but Sooyoung felt like she was even deeper than before. She knew she wouldn’t last long, especially being put on display like this. 

Her legs were slightly spread, and her legs were still twitching every now and then from the other orgasm she had. Sooyoung ran a hand up the girl’s back, admiring the perfect arch she had. Jinsoul gripped tightly at the sheets as she felt Sooyoung slamming her fingers into her. “G-God..” She almost laughed from how whiny she was.

And if Sooyoung slamming into her like that wasn’t enough, then being yanked back by her hair and having fingers forced into her mouth definitely would’ve done the trick. She moaned, but nothing would come out besides low groans and mumbles because she was sucking and licking at Sooyoung’s fingers. “Rough.. just how you like it. Right?” She said, directly beside her ear and feeling the girl shudder against her body. 

Sooyoung was actually enjoying this too. She had never really been the rough type. But seeing what it did to Jinsoul was making her reconsider. She removed her fingers momentarily so Jinsoul could moan freely, knowing her orgasm was coming because she was still so sensitive. “Yes! Right there baby!” She moaned out, arching her back again and rocking her hips back against the fingers inside of her. 

“So.. close..” She whimpered, white heat rushing through every part of her body. She fell flat against the bed, panting heavily and gripping the sheets so tightly she thought she’d rip them. 

She removed herself from Sooyoung’s fingers, as much as she enjoyed that addicting feeling of being full, she really couldn’t take much more. She was far too sensitive, and her body was tired since she wasn’t used to really having sex. 

Sooyoung lay beside her, pulling her against her body and snuggling up against her back. She pulled the blankets up, covering the girl’s body. “Are you okay?” Sooyoung asked softly, kissing her shoulder. 

Jinsoul was more than okay. She felt.. perfect. She felt content just being here like this. With Sooyoung simply pressed against her back with an arm wrapped around her to keep her close. “I’m more than okay..” She said truthfully, the fatigue from her tiring day catching up. Sooyoung smiled against her neck, kissing her softly until she fell asleep, and the taller girl followed shortly after. 

She randomly woke up in the middle of the night, and when she didn’t feel Sooyoung beside her she panicked. She quickly sat up, looking over to her side and sighing in relief. Sooyoung was still there, just sleeping at the edge with her arm hanging off the bed. Jinsoul smiled at the sight, slowly pulling her away from the edge and laying back down. 

As she was dozing back off she felt Sooyoung against her again, making cute noises in her sleep. 

Sooyoung could hear the birds chirping and the sun rudely waking her as she slept. Jinsoul seriously needed to invest in some curtains. She rubbed her eyes, getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen. She figured since she was awake, she could maybe cook breakfast. She prayed she remembered how to. She cracked the eggs into the bowl and found a pan in the cabinets somewhere. 

“It’s just eggs.. you haven’t been dead that long. You can do it.” She encouraged herself, placing the eggs into the pan after adding a few things to season it, and some cheese. She remembered Jinsoul telling her she liked cheesy eggs. So she made sure to not hold back on them. 

She eyed them for a moment, waiting for the indicator that it was time to start mixing them around. But suddenly the front door opened, and the girl didn’t even glance in her direction yet. “You’re up early? And cooking breakfast?” She asked, placing her bag onto the floor. And when she turned around she nearly jumped out of her skin at the unfamiliar face.

“Hi… um. I’m Sooyoung.” She introduced, and the girl just stared at her. 

Sooyoung was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under her gaze, because she wasn’t even speaking. Just staring at her. But she felt her heart relax when she saw the girl’s mouth move. 

“Y-Your eggs are smoking.” She informed, and the girl quickly turned around to see the eggs smoking. They were all stuck to the pan and ruined. 

“Dang it!” She shouted, throwing them out. “You distracted me..” She blamed her lightheartedly. 

“Um— I can help you.. make them.” She walked over to the fridge, grabbing some more eggs. “Jungeun.. by the way.” She introduced, and the girl gave a gentle smile as she watched her break the eggs. 

Jungeun was confused. So Sooyoung was real? Jinsoul wasn’t just being bat shit crazy? She felt bad now.. She should have known Jinsoul would never really lie to her. When Jinsoul woke up, she turned over and saw that Sooyoung was gone. And naturally her heart stopped beating for a second, and she hurriedly got up. When she stepped out of the room she could smell breakfast, and she was not expecting to see her best friend and Sooyoung in the same area.

She felt like her mind was playing tricks on her. But Sooyoung was actually there. “Oh— you’re awake. We made breakfast.” Jungeun smiled.

“We?” Jinsoul questioned, and Jungeun laughed.

“Uh.. yeah. Sooyoung and I.” 

“So you can see her?” She asked, stepping forward quickly. 

Jungeun turned around to see Sooyoung looking back at her. “Yes. I can see her Jinsoul. Now come and eat.” She pulled out a seat for her. “I’d love to stay but— I have to get to work. I was just stopping by and uh yeah..” She explained, giving Jinsoul a hug from behind. 

“I’ll see you later Jinsoul.” She smiled, and then turned to Sooyoung who was drinking a glass of water. “It’s nice to finally meet you Sooyoung.” 

“And it’s nice to properly meet you Jungeun.” 

Properly? What did she mean by properly? She winked at the girl, and Jungeun’s heart skipped a beat. Yeah, it was time to go. “Bye.” She said one last time before leaving. 

“So i’m not crazy…” Jinsoul was still stuck on that and it made Sooyoung giggle. 

“No.. you’re not.” She smiled. “You never were.” She reassured, seeing Jinsoul relax from the simple words. “Now eat.. I know you’re hungry.” 

“Why aren’t you eating?” She asked, watching as the girl simply drank from her glass. 

“I don’t get hungry silly..” She reminded, and Jinsoul had forgotten she was literally talking to someone who technically wasn’t even living anymore.

“Oh right. I forgot.” She chuckled.

“I saw that toy thing in your room earlier.. what is it?” Sooyoung asked curiously.

“Oh— you mean my Gundam? I was just in the process of building it.. I got a little side tracked through so I haven’t been able to finish it.” She explained, remembering how she lost the motivation to do pretty much anything.

“You should finish it. I want to see the outcome of it.” Sooyoung smiled, finishing her glass. She remembered the breakdown Jinsoul had yesterday and she honestly wasn’t sure if she wanted to bring it up. She seemed like she was in a pretty good mood, and she hated the idea of ruining it. But she really wanted to know. 

“Okay.” Jinsoul smiled. 

She waited a few moments before bringing it up. “What happened yesterday?” She asked, and Jinsoul didn’t even know how to answer such a vague question.

“Well I almost got hit by a bus.” 

_ “Almost.” _ Sooyoung repeated. 

“And I got fired from my job. So yeah, now I’m unemployed and I need to find another one soon before I run out of saved money to pay my rent.” 

Sooyoung frowned at that. “Is there anyone you can stay with for the time being?”

“I’d rather not put that burden on anyone..” She sadly said, playing around with her food at this point. 

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.. it’s just for a bit. Until you get back on your feet. What about Jungeun? She seems to care a lot about you.” 

Jinsoul chuckled. “You talked to her for what 35 minutes and you guys are buddies now?”

Sooyoung laughed, eyeing her playfully. “Are you jealous?” She teased, and she felt her heart leap at Jinsoul pouting.

“Yeah.. I want you all to myself.” 

“Really? I can’t tell… you’re out there telling everyone about me.” Sooyoung reminded her, and Jinsoul felt herself blushing at being called out. 

“I can’t help it.. you’re just so amazing. You’re perfect.” Jinsoul’s voice was soft as she spoke, purposely avoiding Sooyoung’s puppy eyes. 

“I’m not perfect.” Sooyoung admitted. “I’m far from it.” She stood up and walked over to the sink, cleaning the dishes with a simple hand movement. 

Sooyoung was far from perfect. She was an angel, but she was a disobedient one at times. The things she’d do for love.. it was pitiful really. But she couldn’t stop herself, she had fallen in love with someone who still had years to go in life. She wanted to just stay here and be with her all of the time. But it was so complicated. 

Guardian angels were supposed to be by their person’s side.. protecting them, caring for them, making them feel safe without actually showing that you were there. They had to _ feel _ it. And it took some time for Jinsoul to feel it, to even see it. But it didn’t take very long for Sooyoung to become completely infatuated with her. She tried, she really did. It was useless. How could someone stay away from a person like Jinsoul? You’d be an idiot to let her slip past your fingertips.

So she made herself vulnerable by making herself known. She wanted to know Jinsoul. She wanted Jinsoul to know her. And that put her in great danger. The gods weren’t happy, but she was.. so it didn’t matter. If she got to be with Jinsoul just once every night, then she was fine with the consequences in the long run. She just had to know she was okay. She just had to be in her presence, taking in those gorgeous features and hearing that low mumbly voice of hers. 

She had to be. She didn’t think she could continue on without it. She was hooked on her now, and there was no turning back. She was 100% in this, despite the risks. 

She wasn’t unaware of the fact that Jinsoul was falling for her too. She could feel it, and she could see it, even if Jinsoul didn’t say those 3 simple words that meant so much. “Do you have anything to do today?” Sooyoung asked her suddenly. 

“No. Why?” 

“I want to take you out..” Sooyoung said shyly.

Jinsoul couldn’t believe this was the same person that literally had sex with her last night. They had seen each other’s naked bodies and she was still shy. That was actually really adorable.

“Let me just get cleaned up first okay?” She smiled. “Do you need to get cleaned up too?” It wasn’t a dirty joke or anything. She was genuinely asking.

“Uh no. I’m an angel. We don’t really need to bathe often..” She explained, and Jinsoul nodded at the new information. 

“Then I'll be quick.” She gave an adorable tight lipped smile, walking off. Sooyoung made sure the kitchen was clean before she went into Jinsoul’s dresser to find a new outfit. The shower water was running so she still had time. She put on a pair of shorts that had drawstrings. That would work. 

There was a pink shirt in there that she felt like she could fit, so she pulled it over her head, smiling at the scent that washed over her. It smelled just like Jinsoul. This was without a doubt her clothing. The shirt fit well, so now she just waited for the other girl. When Jinsoul returned she had a towel on and without shame she dropped it as she looked for something to put on.

“So you don’t have to shower? Or like… brush your teeth or anything?” 

“No.. I’m an angel. I’m already perfect, appearance wise.” She explained, watching as the girl put on a bra. But her thoughts didn’t wander, she actually just couldn’t believe Jinsoul was that beautiful. 

“You’re perfect in every way.”

“You’re biased.” Sooyoung told her, as she put on a white dress. “I can agree when it comes to appearance but I am not perfect personality wise..” 

“Well— I think you’re perfect and nothing you say will change that.” She smiled. Sooyoung didn’t see the point in fighting anymore. This girl was stubborn, but she liked it, just a little. 

As they walked hand in hand, Sooyoung had a destination already in mind, and Jinsoul just followed along. Her feet were getting tired but being next to Sooyoung gave her the motivation to keep going. She desperately wished she had a car though. But enjoying the fresh air with Sooyoung was much better when she thought about it. 

Sooyoung didn’t exactly tell her where they were going, so when they arrived, Jinsoul was confused as to why they came to a park. Not that she didn’t mind, but this wasn’t what she thought of when Sooyoung said she wanted to take her out. But Sooyoung wasn’t really satisfied with what she was seeing. The park looked ran down, like nobody cared to take care of it anymore. 

She remembered coming here with her family.. before she died of course. It was still in good shape, but they must’ve stopped caring about it. Her parents were heavily involved in her childhood community, so they took it in themselves to always take care of this park for the kids in it. It seems they lost motivation though… she wondered why. 

“This place is a bit…” Jinsoul trailed off, seeing how distraught Jinsoul was. 

“I know—“ She said, walking over to the bridge that went over the small pond. “Jinsoul... do you know what my favorite part about being an angel is?” 

Jinsoul turned away from the dirty water, that seemed to barely have any life in it. She waited for Sooyoung to continue speaking again as she looked over at the water as well. “I can… fix things.” She said, as she looked at her gently. Sooyoung simply raised both of her hands by her side, and Jinsoul swore she was going crazy when she saw the park with no life suddenly turn into a postcard scenery. 

The trees were full, the flowers begin to bloom, all sorts of colors. The trash that was tossed in the park was slowly thrown away, in the blink of an eye. 

Jinsoul leaned over the railing and watched as the murky dark water slowly disintegrated into a clear blue color. The fish coming back to life and swimming freely through the clean fresh water. A fish literally hopped out of the water and jumped to the other side of the bridge, making Jinsoul jump back against Sooyoung. The lily pads formed and frogs rested atop of them comfortably. 

“There is beauty… in everything that you see.” Sooyoung said, looking around at the park that was a disaster moments before. She put a hand behind her back, and when she brought it forward again it was a freshly picked yarrow flower, and she gently put it into the girl’s hair. Jinsoul felt her heart skip a beat as she watched Sooyoung smiling so brightly as she put it in. 

“You’re beautiful.” Sooyoung smiled. The white dress and the flower, accompanied by her beautiful blonde hair just made her look ethereal. She was confused as to how she was an angel, and not Jinsoul. She glowed effortlessly, and she wondered why the gods would allow someone like her to go through so much. She deserved nothing but happiness. 

Jinsoul blushed as she adjusted the flower comfortably, turning to the water. “You’re magical..” She pointed out. 

“Am I not beautiful?” Sooyoung asked playfully, and Jinsoul laughed nervously. 

“You’re stunning. Like holy shit— you’re just… beautiful. And after last night it’s really hard to not imagine you all over me and fuck.. you’re an angel. Why am I talking to you like this?” She rambled on, and Sooyoung’s smile hadn’t left her face for a second. 

She grabbed the girl’s hand, leading her back onto the trail as they walked through the park. “So is there like some.. process you go through? Ya know— when you get up there?” She asked, her curiosity getting the best of her. 

“Yeah.. you get sized up for your wings and then you go through intense training so you can make parks like this pretty again.” She said, almost seriously. 

“Wait… seriously?” 

“Of course not.” Sooyoung laughed. “But I can’t exactly tell you. You’ll just have to see for yourself one day.” 

“Will I even make it to heaven?” Jinsoul muttered, and although she thought she did that quiet enough, it was loud enough for Sooyoung to hear. 

“You’ll make it into heaven.. god loves all… for the most part. And she’s also a woman… so she’s biased towards girls.” Sooyoung added jokingly, although it was nothing but the truth. 

“Was it scary for you? When you died?” She asked her, feeling like she was intruding for a moment. 

“Ummm.. yeah. For a moment, yeah— but if anything it was just.. painful. That first week or 2 was the hardest to see.” Her head hung low as she spoke. “I just wanted to give my family the biggest hug. Especially my sister Hyejoo... But I was a baby angel. I was just brought into heaven, the day of my funeral. It was nice… they did a great job.” 

“Are you allowed to see your family?” Jinsoul asked, and Sooyoung sighed sadly.

“No. I can only give them small hints that I’m okay. They are very religious people though, so they take hints in things that I wasn’t even apart of.” She giggled. “But I like to let them know I'm okay, maybe form an “S” in the clouds. Some mornings I’ll have my favorite flower right at their doorstep.” 

“What’s your favorite flower?” 

“Before I died it was actually lavender.”

“Is that even a flower?” Jinsoul questioned. 

“Sort of… more of an herb I think. Either way, I just loved what it stood for. Devotion. Loyalty, dedication.” She explained, and Jinsoul smiled at how much thought she actually put into everything.

“And what is it now?” 

“Yarrows… because they symbolize love. Everlasting love. Did you know that?” She said, turning to the girl and her eyes flickering to the flower that rested in her blonde hair.

“No.. but I know now.” 

Sooyoung smiled, removing her hand from Jinsoul’s for a moment and walking in front of her. She walked backwards. “But— I also love these ones..” She trailed off, and suddenly there was a row of flowers floating in front of Jinsoul.

“This is a red Salvia..” She explained. “It means “Forever Mine.” 

“In flower language?” Jinsoul teased, although she really was impressed by this all.

“In flower language.” Sooyoung repeated, grabbing the floating flower and handing it to Jinsoul. “Next up— a red rose.. I think we both know what that means already. And in case you don’t, it just means that I love you.” She said sincerely, handing her that flower as well.

“That’s a carnation.” Jinsoul pointed out before Sooyoung could even say, and she saw how her eyes literally sparkled when she said that. 

“You’re catching on. A white carnation symbolizes pure love.” She softly said, handing it to her. “Also a symbolization of protection, healing, and strength.” 

All of the things she wished deeply for Jinsoul.

“My favorite… last but not least— Myosotis.” Jinsoul’s eyes widened when the one single flower became an abundance. “True love, faithfulness, a connection that can’t be severed..” 

The color was a light blue, almost like a clear sky with yellow in the center. All of the flowers became one, turning into a bouquet as they rose from Jinsoul’s fingertips. Sooyoung grabbed them, smiling at the end product. 

“All of these mean something, so I hope when you look at them, you think of me, and the love I have for you.. I know things get hard, but I want you to know that I will always be here— even when you can’t see me. Or when you can’t hear me.” Sooyoung spoke so sincerely, it _ almost _ sounded like a goodbye. 

“I love you Sooyoung.” She finally said, and Sooyoung could tell she meant it. She smiled, pulling her into a loving kiss and Jinsoul literally felt like she was floating when those soft lips met hers again. 

“I know.”

The rest of the day went by great, when Sooyoung left, Jinsoul made sure to put the flowers in a vase.

The next day, Sooyoung’s father spotted the park on his way to work. His eyes widened in shock as he quickly pulled over, walking through the park that had seemed to fully blossom again. It was impossible, most of these plants didn’t even grow during this time of year. But here they were, blossoming, healthy, the air was fresh, the water was clean. He couldn’t believe it. He looked up to the sky as tears fell down his face, blowing a kiss up to it. Somehow he felt like Sooyoung had something to do with this. His angel in the sky that they all missed dearly. 

Sooyoung felt it, a smile spreading across her face as she walked up to the throne. “I’ve made my amends.” Sooyoung informed. 

“Good— now I hope you will do as you were told, and watch from afar.” Sooyoung nodded, although she wasn’t making any promises. Vivi stood up, looking down on Sooyoung. “Do you promise?” 

Sooyoung hesitated for a moment, and that worried Vivi. “I.. promise.” She gave a faint smile. 

“You know what happens when you break this promise Sooyoung. Don’t put me in that situation. I would hate to have to do it to you.” She said truthfully, and the girl nodded before walking off.

When she went outside, her friend happily tossed her a fresh apple. “Thanks Heejin.” She smiled.

“I heard you had a little cute girl thing outside of the gates.” She teased, watching as Sooyoung annoyingly ruffled her hair. 

“Maybe the rumors are true.” She took a bite of the apple, and kept walking. Heejin fixed her hair with a playful scowl on her face. 

“Stay out of trouble!” She shouted to the girl, who just waved her off. 

3 weeks. It had been 3 _ long _ weeks without Sooyoung. Jinsoul tried to hold onto the words she said. 

_ I hope when you look at them, you think of me, and the love I have for you.. I know things get hard, but I want you to know that I will always be here. Even when you can’t see me. Or when you can’t hear me. _

But it was like her body craved Sooyoung. She _ needed _ her. In just the simple ways. She needed to hear her laugh, she needed to see that beautiful smile and hear that voice of hers that could calm any person in the room. She needed to feel her close again, her hands on her skin. Her lips on her neck, on her shoulder, on her lips, in between her thighs. She needed it. 

And although they hadn’t really said it, there was a commitment there. She was Sooyoung’s, and Sooyoung was hers. She was sure they had to be soulmates or something. She wasn’t much of a romantic to be knowing how those things worked. But she was sure Sooyoung had her entire body, mind, soul, and heart. 

It had been 2 months now, and the flowers Sooyoung had gotten her hadn’t even withered for a second. Jungeun didn’t know how that was possible, she assumed they were fake. But when Jinsoul showed her they were real she just didn’t understand it. She eventually moved in with Jungeun, trying to remind herself of Sooyoung’s words. About how Jungeun wouldn’t mind, and she wouldn’t be a burden to her. That was an inner struggle she had constantly, but she was trying.

For Sooyoung.

She eventually found a job at a local restaurant, and although it wasn’t really her cup of tea, it would have to do for now. Sooyoung still watched from afar, fighting her urge to just go down and be with the girl. But she promised. 

Jungeun arrived home randomly one day, calling out to her friend who was sitting on the sofa.

“Look!” Jungeun shouted excitedly, getting the blondes attention. And for a moment her heart softened at what she had seen. Jungeun was holding a white kitten in her hands, it had pretty blue eyes and it was like a little furball.

“A kitten! I’m babysitting it for a few days.” She smiled, walking over to Jinsoul. And just for a few days, she was occupied. Giving all her love to a kitten that wasn’t even hers. 

“Isn’t he a cutie pie?” Jungeun said, playing with his tail. 

“He’s adorable.” Jinsoul smiled weakly.

3 months without Sooyoung.

She didn’t feel her love wavering at all, but the ache in her heart had become worse each passing day. She felt like she couldn’t breathe properly. She could hardly even think. Her days were excruciatingly long. When she felt herself slipping from a good mindset, she stared at the flowers and reminded herself of the meaning behind each one. That distracted her for a while, and usually would help her thoughts stray to something else. 

4 months. 

She found herself back in Haseul’s office, telling her about her “progress” and about Sooyoung, who she still didn’t believe was real. 

“Are you sure that this.. Sooyoung— isn’t just someone you made up to help you cope with your emotions?” Haseul asked, and she could tell Jinsoul was quite offended by her question.

“Do I seem like a loser or something? Sooyoung is real. She’s very real… she’s been gone for a while now though.” Jinsoul said firmly. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just genuinely curious..” Haseul apologized, and Jinsoul just nodded. She didn’t mean to get so snappy but she hated when people thought she was being some basket case. 

5 long months without Sooyoung.

She had finally seen Yerim and Jiwoo again, as they had been returning home for break. She told them about Sooyoung, mainly because Yerim asked about the flower vase. Usually their hugs could make her feel better, but she was sad to say they were dull in comparison to Sooyoung’s. Although she enjoyed the warmth from them still. She just wanted Sooyoung so badly. 

She hoped wherever Sooyoung was, she was okay, and thinking about her just as much as Jinsoul thought about her.

And she should have known, Sooyoung was _ always_ thinking of her. There wasn’t a moment that passed where she wasn’t. Even as she rested her eye she dreamt of the girl. That was the only thing that kept her sane. Dreams felt real in this realm. So it was almost like she was right with Jinsoul, holding her close, kissing her, teasing her. She missed her. 

6 long months without Jinsoul. 

She remembered telling Heejin about the girl, finally giving in and confessing. Heejin hadn’t even met this girl, but from Sooyoung’s words she seemed like the perfect person. She could tell her friend was in deep. But she kept her promise, no matter how hard it was to resist the temptation. Especially when she would see Jinsoul crying herself to sleep at night. She just wanted to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay. 

On the 7th month, Jinsoul found herself slowly retreating to her old self. She wasn’t hurting herself per say, but mainly drinking away her thoughts at night. She made a one sided promise to Sooyoung that she wouldn’t hurt herself anymore.. 

Yerim and Jiwoo slept in the guest rooms of Jungeun’s house, while Jinsoul sat downstairs on the sofa in the dimly lit living room. She had lost track of time, not even realizing it had been 3 hours past the time Jungeun should be home. It wasn’t until she got a phone call , that Jungeun had been in a terrible accident. She was far too intoxicated to drive, so she panicked, wobbling up the stairs to wake Jiwoo and Yerim.

“W-We have to go to the hospital.” Jinsoul said, frantically shaking the girl as her head spin in circles. 

“What?” Jiwoo sat up, confused. She could smell alcohol coming from the girl, and thought that maybe she was just too drunk. “You need to get in bed..” Jiwoo said, standing up to help her. 

But Jinsoul was standing firm. “Jungeun is in the hospital!” She shouted, holding Jiwoo by the shoulders. “They called and said she was in an accident. We have to go.” She started crying, and Jiwoo realized this was serious.

She quickly jumped into action, putting on shoes and leaving on the pajamas she wore to bed. “Stay here okay? I’m gonna get Yerim.” She sat Jinsoul down, the girl slowly losing her mind. 

She hastily woke Yerim, and the girl turned over slowly. “Jungeun’s been in an accident. We need to go now.” She said, and Yerim didn’t waste another second. 

Jiwoo drove to the hospital, speeding at an unsettling pace as she held Jinsoul’s hand tightly. When they arrived, Jiwoo immediately went to the front desk and asked where she was. She was told Jungeun was in surgery, so they waited a grueling 3 hours. How bad were her injuries? Was she going to make it? She had so many questions that nobody was answering for them. 

When they finally got some news, she was told Jungeun could possibly not wake up. And she felt like she was falling apart. And while it all happened, Heejin was desperately trying to keep Sooyoung from leaving. 

“I have to. She needs me.” Sooyoung said, set on her actions.

“Do you realize what will happen? You will cease to exist! You can’t go!” Heejin said almost tearfully.

“Heejin— she needs me. She really does.. I wouldn’t go if I knew it wasn’t something serious. Jungeun isn’t going to make it. She needs me.” She explained, watching as Heejin let go of her hand slowly.

“What are you going to do? You’re not Jungeun’s guardian angel.” 

Sooyoung looked down to the floor and then back over to the shorter girl. “No. But I’m Jinsoul’s, and I promised to protect her.. if there’s any promise that means something to me.. it’s the one I made with her. I have to go Heejin.” She spoke sadly, already knowing the outcome of this decision.

“You’re an idiot.” Heejin said, pulling her into a tight hug. “God you’re such an idiot.” She said tearfully. Sooyoung felt her heart snapping in half at that, but it had to be done. She held Heejin for a few moments before she left without another word. 

Jinsoul had fallen asleep in the chair beside Jungeun’s bed once she was brought back from surgery. 

Her injuries were terrible, and apparently she was having brain bleeds. Jinsoul’s eyes slowly opened when she felt a bright light hitting her face, and when the light dimmed it was Sooyoung, staring back at her. Jinsoul immediately stood up, running over to her and hugging the taller girl tightly. “You’re here. I missed you so much.” Jinsoul said, almost crying again but holding it back. 

“I’ve missed you too.” She said, relaxing her head against the other girl’s as she held her close. And just like that, Jinsoul felt whole again. Only in that aspect. She was still horribly torn up because of Jungeun’s current state. 

“What happened?” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake the other girls in the room.

“Car accident.” She informed, and Sooyoung almost laughed at that. Not at the situation, but at how familiar this was for her. 

It was silent for a moment, before Jinsoul turned to the girl who watched over Jungeun’s frail body. “Are you going to leave me again?” Her voice small, almost as if she spoke any louder it would break up from the tears she was trying to hold back.

Sooyoung caressed her cheeks and looked directly into her eyes, giving a weak smile. 

“Jinsoul… as long as you think of me, I will always be here with you.” She said that as if it was a goodbye, and then kissed her softly. She didn’t want to let go, afraid that this would be the last time she ever got to feel those lips on hers. When they separated, she turned to Jungeun.

She took in all of the monitors beside her. “Is she going to be okay?” Sooyoung asked, and it’s like the moment she even asked, the girl in the hospital bed started convulsing. It alerted the staff and they all came rushing in to aid the girl. 

Sooyoung held Jinsoul close to her, shielding her from what was going on. The other two girls had awaken too, quickly being led out of the room as tears fell down their face. She watched as they tried to resuscitate her, but after 6 attempts.. they realized it was a lost cause. 

Sooyoung sat Jinsoul down as she sobbed for her friend. The monitor flatlining as her heart raced and her mind went 1000 miles per hour. She knew what she was about to do would absolutely set her fate in stone, but she couldn’t let Jungeun go. She had so much more to live for. 

She didn’t waste another second, wrapping her hand around the girl’s wrist and squeezing tightly. She felt every vein in her body pulsating the longer she held on, but she had to hold out for just another minute. She felt lightheaded, and the sounds of Jinsoul’s cries kept her focused. She had to bring Jungeun back, if it was the last thing she did. She knew the consequences of it all, but she couldn’t leave Jinsoul alone more than she already was. 

There was a bright light that nearly blinded everyone in its vicinity, and then it was gone. Jinsoul lowered her hand down when she heard the monitor beeping again, indicating Jungeun had a pulse going again. The doctors in the room all looked at each other puzzled, but continued working on Jungeun to keep her stable. But it didn’t take long for Jinsoul to realize Sooyoung was gone.

Where had she gone? 

She stepped outside, stumbling away from the hospital building as the rain poured down onto her bruised and battered body. Her lip bleeding and her hair sticking to her skin as the water drenched her. She could hardly breathe, and the more she walked the weaker she felt herself becoming. She did one last step, before she fell forward into a puddle on the empty street. She lay there, not having the strength to even move despite the water going up her nose and in her ear. 

And when she heard that strike of lightning she knew what it was. 

“Sooyoung. You never learn…” She heard Vivi say sadly. “You promised.” 

Sooyoung didn’t speak. She had no energy left, because she was using it all as she gasped for air. Vivi looked at the girl’s fragile body, wishing there was some other way to “punish” her. But this was the only way, when you continuously disobeyed the Gods. 

“Goodbye Sooyoung.” She watched as Sooyoung slowly sank into the ground, and closed her eyes when she heard the girl gasping for air again. Her heart was broken as her good friend slowly disappeared. 

Slowly ceased to exist. 

And Sooyoung thought it was an exaggeration when she was told about this. But it wasn’t, you really were just floating in a black abyss. It was nothing. You were nothing. 

She was no longer there. And Jinsoul no longer had her guardian angel.

When Jungeun had gotten released from the hospital, Jinsoul stuck by her side every second. Jungeun had to attend physical therapy soon, but for now she was in a wheelchair, or using a cane to get around. When she got home, she immediately noticed the flowers on the table. She walked over to them, noticing they had withered and died. 

“Could you get me some water?” Jungeun asked, confused when she didn’t hear a response. So she looked over, seeing her friend with a lost expression on her face. 

“Jinsoul?” She questioned, and the girl turned around holding the dead flowers in her hand.

“They’re.. dead.” She said, and Jungeun was confused as to why she was so shocked by that. Flowers died eventually right? Maybe those ones were just hanging on for a little while. 

“Flowers die Jinsoul.” She explained.

“These aren’t just… flowers. Sooyoung gave me these. They don’t die. They don’t just—“ She was confused, and her eyes burned as tears threatened to fall from them. 

Jungeun grabbed the cane beside her and shakily moved over to Jinsoul to hold her close. She seemed really distraught over these flowers, and although it seemed a little silly to her. She wasn’t going to deny her friends valid feelings. 

Jinsoul knew something was wrong that following week, because she felt… empty. But not just any empty, that emptiness she would feel before she met Sooyoung. She didn’t feel that aura she had grown accustomed to when Sooyoung came into her bleak life. It was… gone. She felt nothing. 

She thought she was going crazy before but now she was really gone. She could barely eat, and she functioned like a robot for Jungeun and for her customers at work. She felt so lost without Sooyoung. She knew you weren’t supposed to rely on people that way, but fuck how could she not? Sooyoung was literally her guardian angel for fucks sake. 

Had she lost her guardian angel? Is that what this emptiness inside she was feeling was trying to tell her? She wouldn’t be surprised. She never could stay happy for too long.. it just wasn’t a thing for her. But she desperately hoped that wasn’t the case. She desperately hoped Sooyoung was okay. That she was fine, and she would come back to her soon. 

But that wasn’t the case, especially when an entire year had passed. Jinsoul found herself doing extra shifts just so she didn’t have time to go home and think. She completely shut out Jungeun, despite living in the same house as her. She was told to train a new employee they got recently, her name was Chaewon. The other was Yeojin. 

Chaewon was a little easier to deal with than Yeojin. She was almost like an annoying loveable sibling. 

“Are you always this depressing?” Yeojin asked while on their break, receiving a glare from Chaewon. 

“Yeojin!” She said, and the girl shrugged. 

“What? I’m just curious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.” She pointed out, and it’s true. Jinsoul hadn’t smiled in so long she was afraid her face was completely stuck in this resting bitch expression. Even customers didn’t see her bright smile, only the forced one she had to put on for them. She was like a puppet and somebody was pulling the strings to make her move and do things. 

She wished the person controlling her would just cut the strings and leave her to lay there until she stopped existing. “I am always this depressing. And I'm even more depressed because I have to deal with a yapping chihuahua every time I show up to work.” Jinsoul said, standing up from the table.

“Rude.” Yeojin frowned, turning back to her lunch.

“But anyways— how are things with you and Hyejoo these days?” Yeojin asked the shorter of the two blondes. 

Jinsoul quickly turned around at the mention of that name. Hyejoo? Was it the Hyejoo that she had heard of? 

“Good actually. She’s been coming around a lot more.. things get a little hard for her around this time of year though.” She mentioned sadly.

“Ah— because her sister.” Yeojin recalled, and Jinsoul leaped at the opportunity, sitting down again hastily.

“What’s her sisters name?” She asked, nearly scaring the girl from how much she pressed her. 

“Uh.. Sooyoung. Her name is Sooyoung.” And Jinsoul’s heart stopped for a second at the sound of her lovers name. She missed her so fucking much. 

That was the first time they saw even a glimpse of the girl’s smile, and now they were scared. “I’m sorry… do you know Sooyoung?” Chaewon asked.

“I do!” Jinsoul said quickly, making her jump back. “Sorry.. kind of. It’s been a long time since I saw her though.” That sentence just seemed weird, because Sooyoung had been dead for a while now. 

“Well yeah. She is dead.” Yeojin pointed out, and the words rang in Jinsoul’s head a little too harsh for her liking.

“How is her sister doing?” Jinsoul asked.

“She’s doing okay.” Chaewon assured her, and Jinsoul smiled. She’d make sure to let Sooyoung know the next time she saw her. If she ever did. 

Years have passed now, and Jinsoul had literally given up at this point. Sooyoung was gone. She left her. Just like everyone else did. She attempted to move on, but nobody compared to Sooyoung. Nobody understood Jinsoul the way she did. Her dark humor, and how long it would take for her to warm up to someone. 

Sooyoung was still falling in the abyss, and Heejin was still pleading to the gods to let her friend come back. She had warned her, time and time again. But Sooyoung was stubborn, and in love. There was no getting through to her at that point. But Heejin wished she would have tried a little harder. But Sooyoung wouldn’t have forgiven her had she stopped her from completing her task. 

“You have to bring her back.” Heejin begged for 1000th time it seemed. “She’s just an idiot.” She defended. 

Truthfully, Vivi was getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. She did what had to be done. 

“She has disobeyed us too many times. Can’t you understand that?” 

“But she did it for love. Isn’t that what we represent here? Love, acceptance. Or is it all just for show?” Heejin challenged, seeing how Vivi’s face softened at her words.

So she kept going, hoping to convince her. “Her friend was dying. She just wanted to protect Jinsoul. That is what you assigned her to do. She was just doing as she was told.” 

“And she fell in love with her! Do you not see the problem? She was simply supposed to watch over her. Had I known she’d be irresponsible, I would have just assigned her to a family member.” Vivi said angrily, although she understood where Heejin was coming from. 

“But that’s forbidden.”

“Exactly my point. She is irresponsible, I just can’t trust her as much as I want to. She takes things and she runs with it and she manipulates it to fit her needs.”

“She was just doing what was right. Angels are here to protect the ones they love, rather it’d be family or a significant other. She can’t control her feelings! You of all people should know that.” She challenged again, seeing Vivi stand up and her voice boomed through the building.

“Don’t you dare speak of her.” She warned.

“You still watch over Haseul right? If something happened to her, or anyone else she loved dearly you would do something about it.. wouldn’t you?” 

Vivi didn’t speak, further proving her point.

“So what’s so different about Sooyoung doing it?” 

25 years and not one person had satisfied Jinsoul the way Sooyoung did. She eventually moved out of Jungeun’s place and got her own. She jumped from job to job until she got tired of it, attempting to pursue the career she wanted. After so long, Jungeun had healed from her injuries that doctors said would be permanent. But she was fine, coming out strong just like Jinsoul knew she would. 

She took it upon herself to work at a research center for aquatic animals. She managed to find the strength to move forward with her life somehow. Even then, she hoped Sooyoung was proud.

_Wherever she was._

By the age of 52, Jinsoul was diagnosed with Alzheimers. Jungeun had taken care of her for as long as she could, along with Jiwoo and Yerim who took turns. Over the years, she had gotten close with Hyejoo through Chaewon. The two had gotten married about 5 years ago. Jungeun and Jiwoo had gotten together as well. 

Yerim was… well she was Yerim. 

Jinsoul had been in her final stages of Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 59. She had forgotten Jungeun’s name every once in a while, and there were times when she remembered her so clearly that it broke Jungeun’s heart. She knew it wouldn’t last long, and she knew her closest friend didn’t have much longer either. 

Sooyoung, who hadn’t aged a day was standing in the doorway, totally invisible to the naked eye, watching over the two of them. She felt it in her heart that Jinsoul’s time was coming, and without a moment of hesitation, Vivi allowed the girl to go and see her in her last moments when she asked. 

Sooyoung hadn’t forgotten a single thing about Jinsoul after being in the abyss for so long. She remembered it all. She didn’t forget her. Not for a single moment. The moment she was lucid again she wanted to know where the girl was. And she _ promised _ to watch from afar, only getting involved when it was absolutely needed. 

Of course she longed for Jinsoul. But she didn’t want to put herself at risk again. If she was still in the abyss when Jinsoul passed, she wouldn’t be able to bring her to the gates with her. She would never see her again. She couldn’t risk that, no matter how badly she wanted to kiss the girl all over. To simply _ touch _ her. 

And when a doctor came to come and check on Jinsoul, completely walking through the girl, she knew what was happening. Jungeun had simply thought the girl was sleeping, but she was soon told that the girl was suffering from a brain bleed. The doctor lifts her eyelid and flashed a light in it, trying to find any sort of activity. But there was none, and Sooyoung was right behind him looking down at her. 

Even in old age Jinsoul was absolutely stunning. In Jinsoul’s last moments, she caught a glimpse of Sooyoung behind the doctor as a light blinded her vision. And then suddenly the room was dark, and she was just alone with Sooyoung.

_ “It’s been a long time Jinsoul.” She heard her say, and she sat up in the hospital bed. Her breath actually got caught in her throat when she saw the girl after so fucking long. _

_“Sooyoung? Is it you?” She asked, not wanting to get her hopes up. _

_“It’s me.. you’re up there in age huh?” She teased, seeing Jinsoul’s smile after so long. _

_“You haven’t aged a day..” She pointed out. _

_“That’ll be you soon.” Sooyoung mentioned, getting the other girl’s attention._

“Come on Jinsoul… don’t leave me yet.” Jungeun pleaded, watching as they prepared her for surgery. 

_ “Me?” She questioned, and Sooyoung nodded. _

_“Yes. You.” Sooyoung simply said, walking closer to Jinsoul. She swore Sooyoung had a glow around her, the only thing that shined in this dark room and the dim light above her hospital bed. “Are you scared?” _

_“A little..” She admitted. _

_“It’ll be okay. It’s quick— and painless. The painful part is seeing your friends.. but with time it gets easier.” She informed her, and a single tear fell from her cheek._

_“Why did you leave me?” She asked, looking up at the girl with teary eyes._

_“I didn’t want to— but I disobeyed the gods… to save Jungeun. So I had to suffer the consequences. But I'm here now.. I didn’t forget you, and I heard your prayers. I heard your cries. Everything will be okay now.” Sooyoung assured her, her voice giving her that familiar sensation she had gotten long ago. _

“Yeah— she isn’t in good shape. You guys gotta get down here.” Jungeun informed Jiwoo, and in no time the girls were there. Jinsoul was in surgery, and they were worried sick. Jungeun explained what happened, and they all held each other as they waited for some news on Jinsoul.

_ “You did that… for me?” Jinsoul questioned again. _

_“I knew you would be lost without Jungeun.. so yes— I made the sacrifice.” She admitted, and Jinsoul was still confused._

_“But I was lost without you… and you still left me.” She pulled her hand away from the girl, and Sooyoung felt her heart break at the loss of Jinsoul’s warm hands. _

_“But I would be here, at the end of the day. At the end of all of this.. I would be here. Jungeun wouldn’t. Do you see the problem? You needed her.” _

_“I needed you.” _

_“You needed both of us. But I am always here. I told you that. Just think of me, and I’ll always be alive. I’ll always be with you.” _

“She’s flatlining!” The surgeon yelled, trying to keep Jinsoul alive. The operating room was pure chaos as they did everything they could for the woman. 

_ “Take my hand— and we’ll be together forever. Isn’t that what you want?” Sooyoung tempted her, because god she wanted it so badly too. _

_Jinsoul didn’t even know what to say. “So this is it huh?” _

_“Your big moment.” Sooyoung joked, unable to hold back a smile when she heard Jinsoul’s husky laugh. She wiped her tears and stood up, remembering just how much she missed Sooyoung’s pretty eyes. _

_“Take me..” She whispered. _

_And Sooyoung did just that. She backed away from Jinsoul, and that bright light was formed again. Only this time, Jinsoul saw perfect white wings coming from Sooyoung. She looked so elegant, and in that moment she really did look like an angel. An actual one. _

_She reached her hand out to Jinsoul, and she slowly walked over. _

The monitor was still flatlining as they attempted to get a pulse again. 

_ See you soon…” Sooyoung said, kissing her hand and disappearing into the light. Jinsoul covered her eyes as the light still didn’t get any easier to bear. _

When the flatline continued, they realized there was nothing else to be done. “Time of death.. 6:17pm.” 

Jung Jinsoul was gone. She had made it to the age of 59, an age she never thought she’d even reach. She liked to think she held on so long waiting for Sooyoung. She was certain that was her soulmate, and she wondered if they would’ve ever ran into each other under different circumstances. 

When the girls heard the news they were completely broken. Jungeun had to plan the funeral, with the help of her friends when things got to be too much for her. She saw this day coming, but she was never really prepared for it. No matter how much she tried to convince herself she was. 

On the day of her funeral, Sooyoung watched from afar, her presence providing warmth to the girls who didn’t even know she was there. And before her casket was lowered, Jungeun put the withered away flowers Sooyoung had given her onto her casket. Tears falling from her eyes as the other girls hugged her tightly. 

But the sun was shining, it wasn’t a gloomy day like when Sooyoung’s funeral happened. The sun was shining, because Jinsoul was okay. She was smiling brightly and she was happy, because she was finally with the one she loved. And as they climbed the stairs to those gates, Jinsoul had become young again. She looked exactly how Sooyoung remembered her before. 

And when she arrived, this place was far too amazing to be real. She wished everyone could see how magical it was. She wore a white dress that flowed perfectly whenever the wind blew, and when she told Sooyoung about the flowers, the girl made her a flower crown out of all of the flowers she had introduced to her long ago.

Jinsoul wore it proudly, being accepted by everyone around her. She could feel the love, and she felt… happy. For once, she felt truly happy, because now she was with Sooyoung and they would be together forever. 

Sooyoung had proposed to her literally the night she arrived, and of course Jinsoul said yes. The wedding was beautiful, everyone came, she felt like she was home. This was her home. Wherever Sooyoung was, that was home. 

She missed her friends dearly, and she mourned whenever they did. They still cried at night when they thought of their friend. 

But she hoped they knew that she was really okay. And with time, she was sure they would accept that. She had lots of regrets, she wished she told them she loved them more often.. but she just never could find it within herself. But they _ knew _. She didn’t have to say it. That’s just the way Jinsoul was. 

She felt safe in Sooyoung’s arms, the girl holding her from behind as they watched the festival that took place. She told Sooyoung that Hyejoo was okay, and she had gotten married not too long ago. 

“My own sister got married before me… how embarrassing.” She said jokingly, and Jinsoul missed that playful manner from the other girl. God she missed her so much. 

Her heart dropped when she spotted Haseul across from them, enjoying the festival. She slowly released herself from Sooyoung’s arms and walked over to her. “Haseul?” She called, and the girl turned to her with a bright smile.

“What are you doing here?” Haseul jokingly asked, and Jinsoul immediately pulled her into a hug. She wasn’t expecting that, but she hugged her back anyway. 

“I want to introduce you to someone.” Jinsoul said, holding her hand and pulling her over to Sooyoung. 

“Sooyoung… this is Haseul. She was my therapist.” Sooyoung gave a wide smile. 

“So you were real after all?” Haseul gave her a handshake. 

“As real as can be.” She chuckled, pulling Jinsoul close to her. And the festival went into the late hours of the night. The house Sooyoung lived in was a bit further away from the main village, she preferred her own land, where she could plant and go fishing whenever she pleased. It was refreshing honestly, the air was clean, the water was fresh and cold. 

And when it was cold during the late hours of the night, Jinsoul didn’t even care, because Sooyoung’s warm naked body was pressed up against hers. Her kisses set her on fire, despite the cold weather. She was in a state of euphoria when she felt Sooyoung’s tongue on her clit. 

She missed her. So much. 

She made sure to enjoy every second of it, because she had gone far too long without it. Sooyoung hadn’t changed a bit. She was still the same Sooyoung she had known years ago. Gentle, soft, only rough when Jinsoul wanted her to be. 

“Now you’re an angel..” She heard Sooyoung say, just as she pushed 3 fingers inside of the girl, stretching her out. She wasn’t expecting that, so when she felt Sooyoung thrusting into her while her lips attacked her neck, she could hardly breathe. Sooyoung had to remind her to. 

“It feels.. so good.” She moaned, pulling Sooyoung into a kiss. She couldn’t get enough of her, it wasn’t fair how perfect she was. How good she was. She felt like she was losing her mind. Every second she was with her, and every second she was away from her. All she knew was Sooyoung. That was all her heart knew. 

And Sooyoung’s name fell from her lips in almost a chanting manner when she came all over her fingers. Her nails scratching down the girl’s back as her orgasm ripped through her body without warning. She felt Sooyoung everywhere, it was too much. 

The next day, Sooyoung introduced Jinsoul to Heejin and Vivi. “So this is the girl you risked it all for?” Vivi asked jokingly, and Sooyoung shyly nodded. 

“Well.. I suppose I can see why.... be good to her.” She said directly to Jinsoul, who already committed to doing just that. 

She spent every waking moment with Sooyoung and if she wasn’t with Sooyoung, she was with the people of the village. Partying, chatting, lending a hand wherever she could. This was paradise.

Jungeun swore she wasn’t going crazy when she would step outside to see a blue myosotis every morning. Had it been Jinsoul trying to show she was okay? She really hoped so, because she kept them all and put them in a vase. She hoped to see her dearest friend again. 

Time flew when they were up here it seemed. Probably because they didn’t have the stress of a job that barely paid them enough to have a little extra money after grocery shopping. Or dealing with people and their bullshit. Or negative feelings at every waking moment. 

“It’s been 3 years… do I get to be a guardian angel now?” She asked Sooyoung, and the girl nodded. 

“You must talk to Vivi, and she’ll assign you to someone.” 

“Did you think I would be this hot when you were assigned to me?” Jinsoul asked blunty, throwing the taller girl off.

“Someone’s a little cocky.” She teased. “But no— I thought you’d be some 30 year old woman, who was stressing so much her hair fell out.” 

“Liar.” 

“Maybe.” Sooyoung winked. 

Jinsoul was assigned to Chaewon. “Ahh.. this little gremlin.” She said when she found out. But she didn’t mind. Chaewon wasn’t as bad as Hyejoo was anyway. 

When the blonde arrived home, she wasn’t expecting to see _ that _ person sitting at the table with her wife. 

When they heard the door close, they both looked in her direction, and the brunette stood up quickly. “It’s been a long time.” Jungeun said, smiling ear to ear as Jinsoul rushed to hug her tightly. 

“Too long..” Jinsoul repeated, and she felt Sooyoung’s long arms wrapping around the both of them.

“Yay.. we’re all dead now!” She said, watching as the two girls looked at her with stunned expressions on their faces.

“Too soon?” She laughed nervously, rubbing at the nape of her neck. 

Just a little too soon. 

And as Jiwoo, and the girls mourned another loss so soon, they all received a flower with a note in the mail. 

Jiwoo was drained, her eyes had dark circles around them as she walked out to her mailbox. She furrowed her eyebrows at the discovery. A flower? It was a yellow Zinnia flower. 

Yellow Zinnia flowers symbolizes remembrance. 

She smiled at the flower. She had never seen one before, but she hastily opened the note and read. And when she finished, she had tears falling down her face. 

_ “As long as you think of me, I will always be here with you... Yours Truly, Jinsoul and Jungeun.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I needed to get that out of my system. This was just a weird idea that came to me at about 5am and I decided to write it and yeah, I hope you all liked it because I fucking loved writing it. 
> 
> Thank you for the constant support and I hope you look forward to my other works! Until next time? (Which will probably be in like a week because I can’t stop writing. Help) 
> 
> Twitter: @xyvesoulx


End file.
